A Fine Whine

Jason Michael Barker

Before you read any further, let me assure you I firmly believe baseball is as close to sports perfection as modern society has come. The key word there is "close," however, because we still have a way to go. With this sentiment in mind, I present a list of things that are still "wrong" with the great game.

In short, you're about to hear me complain on a grand scale, whine like a small child who isn't getting the candy bar at the grocery store, and so on. Some of these things are specific to my city (Seattle), my stadium (the Kingdome) and my team (the Mariners), but I'm sure you'll find more than a few which are applicable to your baseball experience.

Bad commentators. How often have you heard your local commentator refer to a player as a "real clutch hitter," or an "RBI machine"? Probably one too many times. Perhaps even worse are the color commentators, former players all, who perpetuate such conventional wisdom as "pitching and defense win ballgames" and "hitters like the ball out over the plate." Also, if you listen closely, you'll learn that the best measure of a pitcher's ability is his won-loss record.

Bad newspaper writers. Guilty of the same crimes as the commentators (conventional wisdom, reliance on batting average and RBI), except their lies wind up in print on a weekly or daily basis. It's not so much that their writing is bad, but that the content contains the phrases "proven veterans" and/or "situational hitting." They might also make a big deal of "clubhouse chemistry," failing to realize that winning cures nearly all ills.

Peter Gammons. Gammons could have gone in either one of the last two, but he annoys me so much that he deserves his own category.

No turkey sausages. I don't eat beef or pork, and I realize that places me in the minority in this country, but in the health-conscious 1990s more and more people are starting to watch what they put in their bodies, particularly here in the Northwest. You'd think that of the dozen or so hot dog stands around the Kingdome (some of which are quite good, I've heard), at least one could offer a turkey or chicken sausage in addition to their traditional wares. Think of the monopoly that one vender would have, at least until his competitors caught on. It boggles the mind.

I'm happy to report that there is now at least one vendor serving turkey sausages outside new SafeCo Field. I must also report that the sausage I had was quite good, and I plan to try several more next season.

Screaming girls. Cheering I have no problem with. In fact, I encourage it and I've been known to lose my voice at a big game in the past (see Yankees vs. Mariners, 1995 Division Series, Game Five). What I take issue with are the teenage girls (and older) who come to the games with the sole purpose of screaming for Alex Rodriguez. He's something of a stud, or so I've heard. Are they screaming because he's the best shortstop in recent memory? Are they screaming because he's hit over 100 home runs before his 24th birthday? No and no. I'm sure you've experienced the same thing if you live in, say, New York (Derek Jeter) or various other cities.

When this article originally ran, I received an email from a very angry female fan who took offense at the preceding paragraph. Allow me to clarify in order to avoid similar reactions -- I am not talking about all female fans, nor even a small majority of them. I'm glad there are women who enjoy baseball, including my mom, my sister, my girlfriend, and several other female friends of mine.

The Wave. It's not The Wave that bothers me per se, as I usually simply refuse to participate, but when fans choose to start it. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the wave is designed to distract the pitcher (actually, it was designed as a football cheer, but that's irrelevant at this point). So why do fans choose to start it when the opposing team is at bat?

Once a group of youngsters tried to start the wave in my section while the Mariners were in the field, and one of them asked me why I wasn't helping out. I politely informed him that he was doing the wave at the wrong time, that he should wait until the M's were batting. He looked as if he might cry, and I got a number of harsh looks from some older fans in my section.

TV coverage. This is primarily a shot at Fox, although much of it applies to local broadcasts. My first issue with television coverage of baseball is the incessant display of the "traditional" statistical package: batting average, home runs, and RBI. Kudos to the folks at ESPN, who have begun to show on-base percentage and/or slugging percentage on occasion.

My second issue concerns the way in which broadcasts have been "updated" for the modern fan -- graphics that go whoosh, charts of a hitter's "hot zones," dancing robots, and so on. The one positive that has come out of all this is the "Fox box," that tiny scoreboard in the upper corner of the screen displaying the count, outs, and base runners.

Pitcher abuse. Paul Wilson, Jason Isringhausen, Bill Pulsipher. Livan Hernandez. Kerry Wood. I'm leaving out more than a few names, but you get the idea. Despite all the problems young pitchers have had with overuse, it's taken a severe injury to Wood for the baseball world to sit up and take notice even though this sort of thing has been going on for years.

The next victim? How about Seattle's Freddy Garcia, 22, who was allowed to throw 123 pitches in just his second major league start last week. Garcia is a tremendous talent, but given the M's current lack of starting pitching, there's certainly the temptation to push him. What's worse is that manager Lou Piniella thinks he understands pitcher abuse -- following last week's game, Piniella stated that the team did indeed have a pitch-count limit for Garcia. The problem? They had him pegged for around 115 to 120 pitches, about 20 more than they should have.

Garcia made it through the entire season unscathed, and was my pick for American League Rookie of the Year, despite Piniella and pitching coach Stan Williams. It remains to be seen if his 1999 workload catches up with him in the near future.

about the author

Jason Michael Barker would love you hear your baseball whine list. The best reader complaints will be featured in an upcoming article, so make em good, will ya?