Michael Cox

Hi-ho, my wacky viewership, and behold the new edition of Baseballhead, where we refuse to bookend any words with "p" and "q."

This week has been a whirlwind, as the Winter Meetings have actually looked like the traditional GM gatherings of old with a flurry of trades, including the only time in recent memory I've been able to say "four-way" and not get slapped. This is mainly due to the fact that although player agents showed up in hordes like they always do these days, most of their free agent clients blow.

Mind you, there have been a number of free agent signings as well. However, they've generally been either for overrated "stars" (Greg Vaughn to the Devil Rays, where they may soon have to provide more RV parking for their roster), a guy who will lose most of his value the minute he starts at first base (Todd Zeile), and bench jockeys (James Mouton??).

So, there has been little to do but deal, and deal they have. Vinny Castilla is now a Devil Ray as the Tampa Bay team threatens to become the AL's answer to the Rockies. With Rolando Arrojo heading to Denver, it's a distinct possibility that the Rays could out-Rockie the Rockies. As salmon return to their birthplace to spawn and die, Jesse Orosco returns to Shea Stadium. Ismael Valdes didn't succeed as Randy Johnson trade bait, so he heads to Wrigley for a decent middle reliever (the Dodgers forced the Cubs to take Eric Young to even out the deal).

Add the dozen or so smaller deals and it's been an active couple of days, especially for the Cubs, who apparently are trying to acquire an entirely new team ("sure, I remember saying we'd take Jaret Wright for Sosa, but I thought it was all just a dream"). However, above all the white noise of deals being done, everyone has been buzzing about Ken Griffey, Jr.

Much of that buzzing, in fact, has been in Mariner GM Pat Gillick's ear:

SCENE: A room at the Disneyland Hotel. PAT GILLICK is working at a desk. The Mickey Mouse-shaped phone rings.

GILLICK: Hello?

GRIFFEY: Hey, Pat. I've changed my mind about that list of teams I want to be traded to. Put me down for the Astros, Braves and Royals.

GILLICK: Royals?

GRIFFEY: I dig the 'cue.

GILLICK: But you understand that none of those teams even wants to talk about a trade?

GRIFFEY: Oh, do they...? (Puts pinky finger to mouth, then hangs up)

GILLICK: D'oh.

(Phone rings)

GILLICK: Hello?

STEVE PHILLIPS: Hey, Pat, it's Steve from the Mets, and boy, do I have a deal for you! What you say for Griffey we give you Rey Ordon--

(Gillick hangs up)

(Phone rings)

GILLICK: Yeah?

GRIFFEY: Scratch that, Pat. Put me down for the Yankees and Dodgers. I -- er, I mean you -- can get more from a major market.

GILLICK: Now you're cookin' with gas, Griff.

GRIFFEY: What the hell does that mean?

(Gillick hangs up)

(Phone rings)

GILLICK: Hello?

PHILLIPS: Okay, how about this: Masato Yoshii, Octavio Dotel and (unintelligible)?

GILLICK: What was that last name?

PHILLIPS: (Unintelligible, as if Phillips ran his hand across his mouth while saying the name)

GILLICK: C'mon, Steve! Who is it?

PHILLIPS: Rey Or--

(Gillick hangs up)

(Phone rings)

GRIFFEY: I changed my mind.

GILLICK: (Rolls eyes)

GRIFFEY: I only want to go to the Reds.

GILLICK: The Reds? That's all?

GRIFFEY: Yup. Um, or Sega.

GILLICK: Sega's not a team.

GRIFFEY: Oh, aren't they? (Puts pinky finger to mouth, then hangs up)

GILLICK: (Dials phone) Hello, Jim?

JIM BOWDEN: Hey, Pat! I was hoping I'd hear from you! Are we back on the list?

GILLICK: Yep, you're back on the list, along with, er, several others.

BOWDEN: Wow. Competition...wait a minute -- the radio is saying that we're the only team on the list.

GILLICK: D'oh.

BOWDEN: Don't let the lack of competition get you down, big guy. How about that offer I made you last week?

GILLICK: You mean Scott Williamson, Bret Tomko, and Dmitri Young? I've thought about that, and I want Pokey Reese, too.

BOWDEN: No can do, Patman. Reese is too important to this organization.

GILLICK: I'm sorry, but my kids inform me that Pokey-man is the hottest thing this year, and you gotta give value for value.

BOWDEN: Pokey-man?

GILLICK: Yeah. And Toys 'R' Us was all sold out.

BOWDEN: It's not a toy, Pat. He's only the most valuable second baseman in baseball. Did I mention that he won a Gold Glove?

GILLICK: So did the AL's top designated hitter, Jim.

BOWDEN: Sorry, but it's no go.

(Hangs up)

(Phone rings)

GILLICK: Uh...erm-hmm?

PHILLIPS: What about this? Yoshii, Dotel and El Gloveo, the Masked Shortstop?

GILLICK: El Gloveo?

PHILLIPS: Yeah! Think of the promotional possibilities!

GILLICK: And who exactly is under that mask?

PHILLIPS: Erm,...uh,...well, actually, it's...damn. Rey Ord--

(Gillick hangs up)

GILLICK: Oy vey.

I stopped being incredulous over the fact that the Reds would rather break off talks altogether than include Reese, who they should be happy to throw in while his stock is still high, to think about Griffey's decision to specify that he be traded only to the Reds.

Step back for a second and think about it. Griffey would rather stay in Seattle than go anywhere else but Cincy. He'd rather be a Mariner than a Met, Brave, Astro, or Indian. Add to that the fact that it will be hard for the Reds to cough up the $15M or so per year to re-sign Junior and it almost seems like he would just rather remain a Mariner, period.

It may have to do with the fact that the Olerud deal showed the commitment to winning that Griffey has been looking for to no avail for a few years now. Indeed, the M's may be one more deal away from having Junior seriously reconsider their offer (the "family" stuff was all a ruse to protect the team from fan heat).

That is, unless Griffey revises his list again, and/or the Mets can force Rey Ordonez to legally change his name.

<Michael Cox was going to audition for the role of Steve Phillips, but he can't for the life of him find his funny nose and glasses. Remind him that was Bobby Valentine when you write him at mc@strikethree.com.

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