Baseballhead:
War O' the Words

Michael Cox

Welcome again my friends, to Baseballhead, where we wonder if the only reason Kevin Bacon agreed to host "The List" isn't so he can be six degrees from a whole new batch of folks...

Things I've learned from the Championship Series:

- Apparently, you can toss all the crap you want at opposing players, but throw something at an ump and there's trouble.

- Veteran umpires have unique interpretations of "running out of the baseline" as well as the late-inning strike zone. In addition, on Sunday the leagues decided to display their unity by swapping strike zones.

- Media are willing to place front-page blame for a loss on a single umpire's blown call, but wait a while before mentioning that the home team's own errors sunk them long before.

- You don't mess with Fenway security, even if you're one of the players.

The Mets-Braves hoopla really drove home how lopsided the allegiance of the East coast-based "national" media can be. Despite saying no worse than calling the worst Mets fans "stupid," the wire service stringers were going all out to show how "provocative" John Rocker's remarks were.

The question: is it more stupid to use profane chants, throw crap and spit, or to rake someone over the coals for pointing out that it's stupid?

The hapless scribes scrambled to ask framed questions and then take the answers out of context to illustrate how "embarrassed" Rocker's teammates were, to the point of bothering Tom Glavine with questions about it while he was trying to talk about the shutout he had just pitched. In all, it really detracted from the game and made the whole batch of "reporters" look like frustrated Mets fans. And that's fine, but just admit it.

Meanwhile, the devious Rocker went out before Game 3 and signed autographs at Shea, and it didn't look like any of the "incensed" fans were turning him down.

Keep in mind that I'm in no way a Braves fanatic, aside for my understandable awe at their '90s run. In fact, the Braves knocked out the team I'd rather be watching in this round. It is in this spirit that I present a sample from my upcoming book, "Utter Moron's Guide to New York Baseball" (simplified for the East coast media):

- New York City fans looooove their teams. Many even attend games when said teams suck, unlike those in, say, Minneapolis. This is a good thing.

- Some of them get carried away and make remarks about sexual proclivities. This is bad.

- Others consider "Hey, Rocker! F*** You! F*** You, Rocker! Rocker! You're a F***ing F***!" to be a "clever" taunt. For imbecility, this is on par with starting Da Wave.

- Still others throw crap. Said crap, though intended to injure opposing players (or just "shake 'em up a little"), is often misfired due to misjudgment caused by excessive alcohol intake, hitting other fans. This (throwing, not just hitting other fans) is just plain stupid.

- None of the above is the way human beings normally behave. In fact, most human beings, including many in New York City itself, consider this to be "offensive" behavior. However, many still expect it from New Yorkers.

- Some people comment on offensive behavior, even when it occurs in New York City. They may not know that there are those, including journalists, who find the above behavior "normal."

- Complaining about said behavior is not "news." Teammates should not be "embarrassed" by it, and managers should not be "displeased." The only time people from places other than New York City will think a complaint about this behavior is "news" is if local police were to actually mention attempting to do something about it.

- And unlike in other cities (e.g., Boston), players on New York teams dare not claim embarrassment at their fans' antics, because they know those very same fans can and will throw crap at the home team if they feel it necessary.

There's a whole other side to this, one that we discussed about a year ago, that I'll likely regurgitate at another time when there isn't quite so much to write about. So now, for those Mets fans who were actually upset by Rocker's remarks, here's a collection of media snippets about you from sportswriters themselves:

"Shea Stadium was a horrible, disgusting, grotesque hole" - CNN/SI

"All Rocker did was call Mets fans what they are -- stupid, vulgar idiots who have the manners of feral dogs" - New York Daily News

"Do you shop at Kmart? You're a Mets fan" - New York Times

"Rocker pitches the truth" - New York Post

Did you hear what those guys said about you? Hey -- they're up there in that press box right now! Get 'em! Swarm!! Swarm!!

Moving on to the Yankees-Red Sox series, it's been almost a footnote to the NL battle, with the Yankees' pitching mostly dominating (that's no Curse, that's El Duque) and only the subtext of dastardly umpires for sideshow value. I'm gonna repeat what I've said repeatedly: We don't need instant replay, we need better umpires.

Even if there was instant replay, I can't see it being used in any situation other than to determine whether a run scores or not. None of the ALCS' bad calls were scoring plays. They may have come at an inopportune time in their respective games, but that's no reason to add an extra half-hour of quibbles over first-base out calls to already virtually-unwatchably long playoff contests.

Unfortunately, veterans have a lock on the postseason this year, which is unfortunate considering the almost non-existence of game-breaking missed calls by the new rookies during September. In fact, of all the instances I can recall, there was only one publicized rookie mistake, while there were several high-profile blown calls by the remaining veterans.

Then came the debris-fest in Game Four. It's almost as if they had read column after column about fans who throw crap, huh? The funny thing is those columnists writing on Monday about the old days, when nobody ever budged from their seat and only shouted positive affirmations. Apparently none of those columnists saw the footage of Chris Chambliss' game-winning homer in the 1976 ALCS, when he was repeatedly tackled by his own fans. He couldn't even make it to home plate, although the plate ump ruled his homer good because of fan interference.

Or the stories of Wally Joyner's injury at the hands of a knife-throwing fan at Yankee Stadium in 1986. Or the historians who say that the legend of Ty Cobb beating up a fan was the flashpoint of players' concern over their safety from the opposing team's paying customers.

Finally, after leading the Tribe to unprecedented success in the late '90s, including two World Series, Mike Hargrove was unceremoniously dumped by the team on Friday. Indians fans should be upset, but I find it just plain humorous.

GM John Hart betrayed his own company line when he let slip that the team wanted new blood to "take it to the next level." What "next level"? Sure, I know Hart means winning World Series instead of just dominating the competition all year long, but how do you do that with "new blood"?

Remember that the Indians are the first MLB team to ever sell public stock, and that owner Richard Jacobs is trying to sell the team at the highest value possible, and the move makes more sense. In this age of day traders and online brokers, it isn't enough to simply sustain a high level of success, you have to be more successful than the perceived leaders. The Indians can only lose value at this point if it's perceived that they have nowhere to go but down.

So, the team makes a move that indicates they aren't going to settle for dominating their competition for the past five years. They don't want to be Oracle, they want to be Microsoft, and you can tell that to the analysts. Have they upgraded us to an "aggressive buy" yet?

Coming soon: research shows that fans are just as happy with outsourced pitching, so Hart lays off all his hurlers and pays the Marlins a flat fee to have their staff pitch for Cleveland.

Y'all come back now, y'heah?

about the author

Michael Cox just came to the realization that the elimination of every team he wouldn't mind seeing win a World Series just means there's more time for eating pie. Send recipes quick at mc@strikethree.com.

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