Here we go with the infield portion of Mugshots where, if bad batting was a felony, these guys would all be safely under lock and key for a good, long time..

I should point out that most of the guys featured here have enough at-bats to qualify for the batting title. Not that they're anywhere close to winning it, of course. We're talking about guys with day jobs here. To get on this list, you need to be out there working hard every day, even if you're lousy. Let's call it Cal Ripken syndrome.

There's a good reason for it, too. The guys who aren't quite getting enough at-bats to qualify fall into two main groups. There's the guys whose teams know they aren't good enough for a full-time job, but they're the best available option for now, or they flat-out lost their jobs already.

The other group is the full-timers who may have been injured. Not only are those guys losing playing time, but they usually lose some effectiveness when they return. Many of them try to play through an injury before they finally give in and have it fixed. This is another aspect of Cal Ripken Syndrome.

So without further ado, on to the evidence. First base is anchored, in more ways than one, by Darin Erstad, which is a shame in many ways. Designated as the Angels' spare outfielder last year, Erstad was moved to fill in at first, even though he really doesn't have quite the offense to excel there. This year he got shoved there when Mo Vaughn decided to take a vacation and then to bat DH rather than play the field. If Erstad had played up to last year's standard, he would be at least adequate, but this year he's lost his way.

First Base	Team	OBP	SLG	OPS
D. Erstad	Ana	.306	.370	.676
T. Martinez	NYY	.339	.455	.794
J.T. Snow	SF	.372	.444	.816

Next on the list we have Tino Martinez of the Yankees, perhaps a surprising name, but to be honest, Tino's just never been that great. A good player on a very good team is frequently assumed to better than he really is. After that we have Mo Vaughn, who's split time between first and DH. Note that Tino and Mo's numbers are pretty decent by absolute standards, they're just at the low end of the first base heap.

And speaking of heap, dishonorable mentions in the part-timer first base category go to Doug Mientkewicz of the Twins (rookie, awful team with no better option), Wally Joyner of the Padres (injured veteran off-year) and the Diamondbacks' Travis Lee (sucked, lost job).

Second base is a haven for many a weak bat, and bottom of the totem is Mickey Morandini of the Cubs, whose prior minimal slugging skills have even deserted him this year. Mickey can take solace, however, in the fact that he's not the sole cause of the Cubs' demise this year.

Second Base	Team	OBP	SLG	OPS
M. Morandini	ChN	.323	.335	.658
B. Boone	Atl	.309	.417	.726
J. McEwing	StL	.332	.400	.732
P. Reese	Cin	.323	.415	.738
E. Young	LA	.377	.362	.739

The next everyday guy on the list is one of those young Boone boys, Bret, who lucked his way onto the Braves. While it's true to say that Pokey Reese (just a little further down the list) isn't the cause of Cincinnati's success this year, Boone wouldn't have helped if he were still there. Fortunately for Atlanta, they didn't need much from Boone, which is just as well, because they didn't get it.

Next up we have the versatile, if pedestrian, Joe McEwing. Versatility counts for something, but McEwing's bat is marginal for all but second base. Finally, we have Eric Young, who actually sports a very spiffy .377 OBP, which is a lot more useful than the .362 slugging.

Also-rans without quite enough appearances to qualify in this category are the Phillies' Marlon Anderson (not quite an everyday guy), the Rockies' Kurt Abbott (filling in for the wounded Mike Lansing), Baltimore's Delino DeShields (hurt) and The Devil Rays' Miguel Cairo (two stints on the DL).

There are a few candidates for anti-MVP down here at third, unlike Chipper Jones, who has a shot at getting some of the nice post-season hardware. Leading off the category, we have the eminently predictable Scott Brosius. Parlay one half-decent year into a big fat contract and there you are, set for life.

Third Base	Team	OBP	SLG	OPS
S. Brosius	NYY	.305	.398	.703
J. Valentin	Bos	.311	.396	.707
R. Coomer	Min	.307	.424	.731
R. Davis	Sea	.304	.435	.739

In the "how are the mighty fallen" category, we have John Valentin of the Red Sox next. At 32 and steadily declining for the last three years, it appears his best days are behind him. Next we have so-called "All-Star" Ron Coomer. It shows how tough times are in Minnesota when a guy like this is the All-Star rep. We follow that with Russ Davis of the Mariners, who stabilized his defense this year by limiting his range to a couple of feet on either side, but lost his hitting in the process. Russ didn't technically qualify for the award here, but I had to throw him in anyway.

Finally, the category you've all been waiting for: shortstops. Home of some of the best hitting talent in the majors, but also some of the worst. I'm sure you're wondering if Rey Ordonez can beat out Brian Hunter for worst batter of the year. Sadly, I have to inform you that this year Rey can't even beat out the White Sox' Mike Caruso. And given that shortstop carries a lot more defensive value than left field, the disparity between Ordonez and Hunter is even wider.

After Caruso and Ordonez, we skip to journeyman Rey Sanchez in KC, Neifi Perez, unable to bust out of a wet paper bag, even in Colorado, Miguel Tejada and the uninjured Alex Gonzalez in Florida.

Shortstop	Team	OBP	SLG	OPS
M. Caruso	ChA	.283	.300	.583
R. Ordonez	NYM	.314	.313	.627
R. Sanchez	KC	.329	.368	.697
N. Perez	Col	.309	.407	.716
M. Tejada	Oak	.320	.424	.744
A. Gonzalez	Fla	.309	.435	.744

As for the also-rans, Gary DiSarcina is a perennial in the category, but this year he missed the first half of the season and so doesn't qualify. An up-and-comer is Christian Guzman of the Twins, who just finishes out of qualification range. He's only 21 though, so there's plenty of time for him to learn what the big wooden thing is for. In the meantime, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why the Twins are so awful.

Designated hitter is a tough spot to throw stones at. Most teams have a clue about getting a good DH, and when they can't they'll fill in with some stone-handed fielder who can't necessarily hit, or some injured slugger. Even our worst candidate here is a pretty respectable hitter, but the unfortunate winner in the full-time DH slot is Chili Davis. Note that Marty Cordova is actually having a decent season. Down in Anaheim, Mo Vaughn is way off his Boston numbers, and proving to be quite a disappointment. Not that some of us didn't expect that.

Designated Hitter	Team	OBP	SLG	OPS
C. Davis	NYY	.365	.440	.805
M. Cordova	Min	.366	.468	.834
M. Vaughn	Ana	.354	.500	.854
F. Thomas	ChA	.414	.471	.885
E. Martinez	Sea	.451	.564	1.015

Frank Thomas' slide has been a big story all year long and, despite a hot start, his number a re pretty mediocre compared to past performance. He really needs to get out of Chicago. It's been so long since the White Sox were contenders it has to be getting to him.

I include Edgar Martinez on the list just so you get a good idea of what a great DH looks like.

So, the final roster looks like this:

C  Dan Wilson       Sea
1B Darin Erstad     Ana
2B Mickey Morandini ChN
3B Scott Brosius    NYY
SS Mike Caruso      ChA
LF Brian Hunter     Sea
CF Darren Lewis     Bos
RF Derek Bell       Hou
DH Chili Davis      NYY

Rooting for these guys would be as successful as rooting for Wile E. Coyote against the Road Runner.

Dave Paisley is now in charge of the Acme Bat Factory, which might explain why Ordonez has so much trouble with his. Hold out more hope for the Acme Super-Speed Sneaker Co. at drdjp@strikethree.com.

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