Now, Where's That Machete?

Dave Paisley

Way back before the season started, Jason Barker and I pointed you to an entertaining diversion known as Hacking Mass. Hacking Mass is basically a measure of how clueless a player is with the bat and how clueless his manager is for letting him play. A hacking mass roster is comprised of a mere five players - a catcher, first baseman, third baseman, middle infielder and an outfielder. The key to hacking greatness is to be bad, but not so bad you lose your day job. In other words, playing time counts.

Just for the record, Jason's picks looked like this:

C: Carlos Hernandez
1B: Jeff King
3B: Matt Williams
MI: Jeff Blauser
OF: Brian L. Hunter

While mine (not entered officially, but publicly declared) looked like this:

C: John Flaherty
1B: Hal Morris
3B: Ed Sprague
MI: Rey Ordonez (or Alex Gonzalez, Fla)
OF: Brian L. Hunter

There are some obvious hacking disasters in there right from the start, but let's look at the positions in more detail later.

Overall Hacking
Here's a list of the top hackers who've actually played enough to qualify for the batting title (like, oh yeah, these guys had a shot...) Hacking Mass points are calculated by the following formula:

HM = (.800 - OPS) * Plate Appearances

Right off the bat (well, with these guys, maybe the end of the bat) we see that King Rey once again shows up on the leader board, but has a couple of serious challengers in Mike Caruso and Brian Hunter. In fact, if there were a positional adjustment for hacking, Hunter would be far and away the greatest hacker in the universe. Somehow, it was God's revenge that made Seattle trade for him after Jason and I both picked him as the anchor of our teams.

We also see that Derek Bell's injury is actually a big plus for Houston as they hit the stretch drive. Not having the number four hacker in your lineup has surely got to help. Darin Erstad is a bit of a surprise and I'm sure this is just an aberrant year for him. After that we get the usual suspects - middle infielders mostly, with a smattering of really awful outfielders like Brian McRae. Another point of note is Travis Lee, who just hasn't got going at all this year. Even last year's relative disappointment wasn't this bad.

Name	Team	Pos	OPS	Hack
M Caruso	ChA	SS	.605	80.7
B Hunter	Sea	OF	.618	78.6
R Ordonez	NYN	SS	.625	71.9
D Bell	Hou	OF	.669	67.7
D Erstad	Ana	1B	.673	62.4
M Morandini	ChN	2B	.667	56.4
D Lewis	Bos	OF	.669	50.4
T Womack	Ari	OF	.699	49.6
B McRae	Tor	OF	.676	49.5
D Cruz	Det	SS	.674	48.0
E Renteria	StL	SS	.702	45.8
M Kotsay	Fla	OF	.692	44.8
R Sanchez	KC	SS	.696	41.8
O Cabrera	Mon	SS	.696	41.6
T Lee	Ari	1B	.702	41.3
E Young	LA	2B	.697	38.8
M Grissom	Mil	OF	.715	38.8
M Bordick	Bal	SS	.725	37.9
L Castillo	Fla	2B	.720	37.8
N Perez	Col	SS	.735	34.3
B Boone	Atl	2B	.735	32.3
J Valentin	Bos	3B	.729	30.6
R Davis	Sea	3B	.723	29.6
C Allen	Min	OF	.732	27.1
M McLemore	Tex	2B	.744	26.7
J McEwing	StL	2B	.744	26.3
A Gonzalez	Fla	SS	.741	26.1
B Higginson	Det	OF	.736	25.0

Other notables on the leader board are Bret Boone, a predictable call, and Russ Davis, improved with the glove but way behind on offense this year. But look, there's my boy Alex Gonzalez just behind super-scrub-rookie Joe McEwing. But enough generalities, let's take a look at some positional data.

First Base
Back in March, I wrote:

"The much in demand Hal Morris seems to be the best prospect this year. Another couple of good bets are J. T. Snow and Rico Brogna, both guaranteed to get plenty of ABs. I just don't see Jason's pick, Jeff King, competing with that crowd."

Well, I was right about Jeff King, as he retired abruptly before he could really accumulate enough points to win. Here's the 1B leader board.

Name	Team	OPS	Hack
D Erstad	Ana	.673	62.4
T Lee	Ari	.702	41.3
M Loretta	Mil	.755	21.9
R Coomer	Min	.748	20.7
R Brogna	Phi	.764	18.2
T Martinez	NYA	.778	10.8
J Snow	SF	.782	8.8
R Sexson	Cle	.798	0.8

Erstad and Lee I already mentioned, but unbelievably, Minnesota and Milwaukee are giving a fair amount of playing time at first to guys like Mark Loretta and "All-Star" Ron Coomer. Right behind them come guys like Rico Brogna, fast becoming a fixture on the list, and Tino Martinez having an off year.

My own pick, Hal Morris, was sadly found out and has jockeyed the bench most of the season, amassing only about 100 plate appearances. He has generally sucked when he's played, though, so it's not all been a total loss.

Catcher
Another position that doesn't show up on the big list is catcher, and that's because many catchers don't quite play enough to make the official qualifying plate appearances. However, there's some quality hacking going on by receivers, so here's a catcher specific guide:

Name	Team	OPS	Hack
E Marrero	StL	.554	74.3
J Fabregas	Fla	.592	49.7
E Diaz	Cle	.651	47.8
J Girardi	NYA	.526	44.9
B Santiago	ChN	.668	44.5
M Walbeck	Ana	.628	44.0
C Kreuter	KC	.672	41.1
A Hinch	Oak	.595	40.4
T Eusebio	Hou	.654	36.2
D Wilson	Sea	.695	35.5
M Macfarlane	Oak	.600	35.4
M Matheny	Tor	.593	31.9
E Perez	Atl	.672	28.4
M Barrett	Mon	.726	24.1
T Greene	Ana	.716	23.4
T Houston	ChN	.709	22.7
B Banks	Mil	.669	21.2
A Castillo	StL	.699	20.5
J Flaherty	Tam	.745	20.4

Jorge Fabregas and Joe Girardi are pretty much ever-presents on this list, making up for a lack of playing time by being really awful. Eli Marrero really takes the cake, but I don't really feel like razzing him too much, given the whole cancer thing last year. Still, this is no way to keep an everyday catching job.

Outfield
The outfield is another source of major hacking embarrassment, as the following list shows:

Name	Team	OPS	Hack
B Hunter	Sea	.618	78.6
D Bell	Hou	.669	67.7
D Lewis	Bos	.669	50.4
T Womack	Ari	.699	49.6
B McRae	Tor	.676	49.5
M Kotsay	Fla	.692	44.8
M Grissom	Mil	.715	38.8
B Higginson	Det	.736	25.0
D Martinez	Tam	.750	22.6
E Owens	SD	.757	16.4
D White	LA	.766	12.9
C Beltran	KC	.787	7.0
R Mondesi	LA	.792	4.0

There's my buddy Brian Hunter at the top, and Bell. Look at those big names -- Womack, McRae, Grissom, Dave Martinez, Devon White, Raul Mondesi (Raul Mondesi! - after that hot start, no less.)

Scoring Summary
So for the record, here's the verdict so far:

C: Carlos Hernandez - bad pick, out injured early
1B: Jeff King - another bad pick, retired early
3B: Matt Williams - another bad pick, aberrant good year
MI: Jeff Blauser - bad pick, not playing enough and he's doing OK
OF: Brian L. Hunter - great pick, hard to beat

Tough luck, Jason.

C: John Flaherty - average pick as he's doing better than expected
1B: Hal Morris - weak pick, but not hurting
3B: Ed Sprague - awful pick, see Williams, Matt…
MI: Rey Ordonez - great pick - well, duh!
OF: Brian L. Hunter - great pick

So I'd even say I'd have had a shot if it weren't for Ed Sprague. Where did that come from anyway?

about the author

Dave Paisley loves the hacking mass competition because it reminds him of his days trying to play softball in Montreal. Commiserate with him about the broken hand thing at drdjp@strikethree.com.