Baseballhead:
Yankees, Yankees, Yankees

Michael Cox

Welcome again to Baseballhead, this week fueled by Hostess Baseballs (R): Low in fat because they're almost pure sugar!

This past weekend the Yankees' Victory Tour hit Seattle, and like a record-setting number of locals I got a first-hand look at just what makes that juggernaut tick. Having taken over the best record in baseball, I wanted to know just what it is that makes this team so much better than, say, the great-on-paper Bronx teams of the '80s and early part of this decade.

In watching the four-game spanking administered to the Mariners (whom Joe Torre thanked in '96 for not making it to the playoffs, the juju used to be so strong), I realized a few things besides what we already know (i.e., they have enough of the best players money can buy to compensate for the Joe Girardis and Allen Watsons) -- intangibles, if you will:

- Torre is the consummate field marshal. He respects his players and they respect him. And he's one of the few who can work the kind of gamesmanship that actually helps a game go your way. Stalling to let a reliever warm up can be done in a very annoying manner (see Johnson, Davey) or it can be done smoothly and with little rigamarole. Torre is even respected enough to get away with arguing a close (but not blatantly blown) call at first base for three minutes without getting tossed. this brings us to another Yankee specialty:

- Working the umps. I dare you to point out another team in all of MLB that questions more calls, game in and game out, than the Yanks. I know you've heard every Paul O'Neill joke known to man, but he's only the neon-enhanced tip of the iceberg. There doesn't seem to be a strikeout or close call that doesn't get at least a few respectful words from the offended party. Does this result in extra consideration the next time a close call comes around? If I were the kind of guy who believed in such things, I'd say Torre got his make-up call later Friday night, when Watson recorded an out covering first...a full step off the bag when he caught the ball. (Of corse, Torre was later tossed after arguing yet another call, but even he can only push it too far.)

- When they're not shouting at umps, there's a businesslike demeanor around the Yanks, which definitely befits people earning more than some CEOs. The fact that this team does not swagger has often been confused with "heart," when it is simply a very blue-collar ethic: you're here to do a job and you're paid well to do it, so don't mess around. Mind you, a good long losing streak would set this bunch at each other's throats just like the O's or Dodgers, but for a team that can't stop winning, they wear it well.

Add a damn good GM and a Boss who for the most part keeps his hands off everything but the paychecks, shake well and collect yer trophy.

Item: Speaking of the Yankees, there was a little infield tussle Friday after the Pinstripe Crew and the M's traded chin music (or butt music, as the case may be). Short version: Jason Grimsley gave up a homer to Alex Rodriguez and then threw at Edgar Martinez. Twice. M's reliever Frankie Rodriguez retaliates, making Chuck Knoblauch cry "Ow! My ass!" When F-Rod wasn't immediately ejected, the entire Yankee lineup gathered on the top step of their dugout to, er, quietly ponder the sitch. Rodriguez jawed back, Girardi asked him what he was gonna do 'bout it, and mirth ensued.

That's all well and good, and both Grimsley and the non-homering Rodriguez were justifiably suspended. The New York media, however, did their usual great job of making sure that the incident sticks in the craw of the Yankee Stadium crazies when the two teams meet again in a couple of weeks. Never mind the eastern-based wire services, forcing this on the whole country:

Mariners manager Lou Piniella came out to remove Rodriguez, who taunted the Yankee dugout before wrestling with New York catcher Joe Girardi.

-- SportsTicker

After hitting Knoblauch, Frankie Rodriguez was taken out of the game. He then started yelling at the Yankees in their dugout.

-- Associated Press

Granted, they were likely not actually there, whereas I was, but what both services failed to mention was that the entire Yankee dugout had been yelling for some time before the alleged "taunting." Rodriguez is pretty much a hothead, but everyone should know the best way to get a hothead hot is to shout at him. Hell, Todd Hundley can tell you that.

Not satisfied with exaggerating the genesis of the situation, the media then played the Popeye card, milking the fact that lovable Don Zimmer came out of the dugout, then fell and couldn't get up. Don Zimmer has no business running out into a damn melee -- the umps apparently ejected him for his own safety afterward.

Of course, this is all venting bladder into the wind, because the East coast media will write what they write, as they always have, without worrying too much about facts. A final aside, however: apparently Yankee scrub Chad "Mr. Furious" Curtis has a mad on at teammate/better player than he'd ever be Derek Jeter because Jeter didn't wade into the fray, instead talking quietly with pal A-Rod on the sidelines. I'll quickly explain, then move on: the Yankees need a healthy Jeter, while there's practically a Chad Curtis vending machine in Columbus. Clear?

Item: The Red Sox took a step towards building their coveted New Fenway Park last week, with a public meeting. And with a public meeting comes the contingent of people who want to scuttle whatever you want to build, for whatever reason they can find. In this case, the almost entirely privately-funded park could apparently cause a bit of congestion in the Kenmore Square area. (For non-Bostonians, Fenway is already located in the vicinity, which is not known for its accessibility by car.)

"We're concerned about residents' quality of life, the traffic, the trash, the garbage, the gridlock, the asthma and the asphalt," said the leader of Small Band of People Posing as Organized Opposition Group (group name changed for humor value). Unfortunately, the article never gave his age, so I can't necessarily tell you Fenway was already in the 'hood when he moved in -- he could be ninety years old. However, it's more likely that he moved to the neighborhood with the park already there, full well knowing that his neighborhood includes trash and garbage(?) and all else.

Of course, his point was that New Fenway will be larger, but my point is the same: it was Fenway's neigborhood before it was his. Ask for some wider sidewalks and street cleaners, then either deal or move to Quincy.

Item: Not only are the MLB "message to a fan" ads weak, they seem to have run out of ideas after just the two (either that, or no other players would bother to record them). So, in the spirit of the season, I offer the sorry-ass ad agency in charge of the MLB account a script, a treatment, if you will, for the next ad:

(Scene: An apartment living room. A rotund, shirtless man enters to see a brick has been thrown through his window. He unties a note from the brick and reads.)

VOICE OF TONY PHILLIPS: Okay, Dave, you big tub of [bleep], I heard you out there at the park today, and I don't think that [bleep]'s funny. I don't come down and [bleep]ing heckle you at the [bleep]ing AM/PM, [bleep]head...

(Man looks forlornly at his AM/PM work smock, hung by the door)

PHILLIPS: ...but maybe I should. Or maybe I'll just come to your [bleep]ing house and [bleep] you up good. Maybe then we'll see how [bleep]ing tough you are, you [bleep]...

(Loud banging and shouting is heard at the door. The man looks at the camera, frightened and bewildered, and swallows hard.)

VOICE-OVER: Baseball. It's fan-tastic, or whatever.

about the author

One side of Michael Cox' neck is browner than the other after a recent Safeco Field matinee. Remind him that he should assess his prior application of sunscreen when determining seating location at mc@strikethree.com.