Baseballhead:
Cone Drone

Michael Cox

Welcome again to Baseballhead, packed with wild flava for you an' your posse.

The past week so incredibly packed with major news that we wish we could bottle it and use it throughout the season, but what can you do?

Before we begin, I'd like to offer my heartfelt condolences to the families of the three workers killed and one injured in the accident at Miller Park. It looks like the mishap will push the already-delayed new yard's opening back even further, but that's a small issue when you think about the human toll.

Firstar Bank in Wisconsin has set up a fund to provide assistance to the families of the fallen workers. You can send contributions to:

Firstar/Big Blue Workers Memorial Fund
777 E. Wisconsin Ave.
Milwaukee, WI 53202

Moving on to baseball...

Item: Just over a year after the wacky David Wells tossed a perfect game against the lowly Twins, David Cone repeats history and hurls a perfecto at the hapless Montreal Expos. Of course, the New York media has gone ga-ga, declaring Cone "the heart of the Yankees," and overstating his comeback from an aneurysm in his pitching arm as a miraculous return from death's door.

And I'd be the first to tell you that it couldn't happen to a better guy. Considering his history as a career gun-for-hire, he has nevertheless been a consummate team player. Whether it meant staying in the game when clearly out of gas and walking in the tying run in Game 5 of the '95 ALDS against Seattle, or feigning a dog bite so that an antsy Boss could insert his latest bonus baby (in this case, El Duque) into the rotation, Cone has toed the company line at his own expense.

They don't break out the Saturday Night Live cone heads quite as much as they used to, but of course in the Bronx someone wearing one of those is likely to be accused of being a Trekkie and beaten up. However, Cone is still effective in what would be the twilight of others' careers.

Although I wouldn't go as far as Derek Zumsteg in arguing that the perfecto was more of an Expo car wreck than a Yankee gem (watch out, Derek -- last year Yank fans were comparing Rob Neyer to Hitler after he was less than ecstatic over Wells' feat), it didn't impress me nearly as much as, say, Kerry Wood striking out 20 Astros last year, or Doc Gooden's '96 no-no against a heavy-hitting Mariner club.

Although they weren't perfect in their outings, Wood and Gooden had the distinct disadvantage of facing teams who knew how make contact and take a walk -- something neither Wells or Cone had to worry much about. As long as Scott Brosius didn't toss one into the stands, the Perfect Twins (now, there's imagery for you) stood a much better chance against the teams they faced than Wood or Gooden did against theirs.

Cone has every right to enjoy his feat -- just the sheer amount of dumb luck involved in a perfecto is something to marvel over. Still, a principle emerges: although "good pitching" doesn't necessarily beat "good hitting," really excellent pitching can utterly flummox dead crappy hitting, sometimes resulting in a no-hitter or perfect game.

Item: Umps are going to strike...er, quit. I spoke about this at length this past weekend, so I won't bore you with the details here. However, the rumor going around now says some of the umpires, faced with the prospect of permanent unemployment, don't want to quit after all and have asked for their resignations back.

Perhaps they found that ex-umps don't exactly have a large revenue stream in their future -- the Miller Lite people won't exactly knock down the door, although if Rick Reilly can get in an ad, perhaps anyone can. And good luck imagining a card show ad with the headline, "Umpire Jim Joyce to sign Sunday. To accommodate the expected crowd, only one item per person please."

Expect more of the umps to break away from the pack after they realize that yes, everyone is in fact fed up enough to just let them go. My greatest fear, however, is that they'll ask for a 50% pay cut to just keep working, MLB will accept, and they'll keep on keeping on in their utterly inadequate fashion, only for a cut rate, and at the whim of Bud Selig rather than their own.

Item: Randy "Even My Real Name Sounds Risque" Johnson faced his ex-teammates last night in Seattle as interleague play again worked its zany magic. Admittedly, I'm writing this just before I'm heading off to the game, so I can't make a pithy analysis of the contest.

However, what I can say is that the buildup has been much ado about nothing. Randy harbors no ill will against his old teammates, and they harbor little against him. If anyone has any animosity regarding the "we're trading him/we're not trading him/we're trading him again" debacle last year, it's more likely that they'd get together before the game and pummel GM Woody Woodward for kicks than it is that a beanball war would develop.

Johnson was cheered by the Safeco Field throng on Sunday and Monday when he walked out on the field during the Diamondbacks' BP (and he signed autographs for about a half-hour prior to Sunday's game). So, it looks like there aren't as many boneheads here who were deluded into thinking he somehow "tanked it" because he wanted to leave, after all. (And I've yet to hear how this supposed "tanking" works.)

Item: Albert Belle wants the media to "Show him love." He even wrote it in two different colors of marker for emphasis. So we're supposed to "love" someone who doesn't talk to us? I was going to compare that to loving an inanimate object like a vacuum cleaner, but then I realized that a vacuum actually does the opposite of trashing a room. Also, only Belle's attitude sucks.

Item: Tonight in San Francisco, fans will experience the first of 11 "Turn Ahead the Clock" games to be held this season in various cities. These games are apparently the brainchild of new MLB "corporate partner" Century 21 (whose name may require changing next year), who with MLB issued the following press release:

The Century 21 "Turn Ahead The Clock" games will mark the first time that any professional sports league has played games in futuristic-style uniforms.

Of course, this is absolutely not the first time there has been a "Turn Ahead The Clock" night, nor the first time for "futuristic" unis. Even excluding the ill-advised togs from the All-Star Home Run Derby, there have been at least two TATC games I can think of off the top of my head, the first right here in Seattle two years ago against the Royals (you've never seen how ugly yellow and royal blue can look until someone is wearing them in combination on an untucked sleeveless shiny jersey).

But wait, the press release gets better:

"The Century 21 'Turn Ahead The Clock' series is a unique and fun way for Major League Baseball to attract casual fans and families to the game. The look of the game might be different, but the athleticism and excitement that they have come to expect will remain the same," said Tim Brosnan, Major League Baseball, Senior Vice President, Domestic and International Properties.

So, what we've learned here is that MLB expects these "futuristic-style uniforms" and other gimmicky trappings to suck in all those Babylon 5 fans. Also, Brosnan pledges that the players won't even use the gimmick as an excuse to dog it for a night! What a deal!

This is what happens when you put marketing people in charge of something. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

I Get Mail: In a last word over the Great Indians All-Star Ballot Box Stuffing controversy, an astute reader suggested the reason Juan Gonzalez was denied his rightful starting spot was because the Rangers fans only had eight home games to vote, whereas the Indians got 22.

Unfortunately, Although the Rangers may have played only eight home games in June, the ASG balloting began in mid-May, in time for two more Ranger homestands. So, either the Rangers didn't bother handing out ballots during those homestands, or they had almost an equal chance to get their fans excited about voting.

Of course, it would have helped if fans in other cities liked Gonzo, too.

about the author

Michael Cox misses the days when you could call out "Big Unit!" in the midst of a Seattle crowd and people would just smile. Explain that some might not have been smiling for the reason he thinks at mc@strikethree.com.