Don't Go Away Mad

Michael Cox

Contrary to popular belief, I don't like complaining about the low quality of Major League Baseball umpires. In fact, I hate it. It's just that more and more often, it gets pushed into my face all over again as the bad calls and errors in judgment pile up in front of my unbelieving eyes.

Still, no call, no bonehead lapse in reasoning, no physical inability to accurately see a play can match the utter contempt in which umps' union head Richie Phillips holds the game his charges mediate. To put it bluntly, Phillips thinks the fans are idiots for thinking they deserve better than aging, often out-of-shape men interpreting MLB's rulebook as they see fit. Phillips has possibly done more to turn fans against the umpires than a century of blown calls.

Now he wants to skirt around the umps' contract, which states that they will not strike, by having them quit en masse instead. Then they form their own company and make Bud Selig "outsource" the umpiring work, making the umpires an autonomous group accountable only to their own company. Bad strike zone being called? Talk to Mr. Phillips. Umpire takes a poke at a couple of arguing players? That's Mr. Phillips' department. The arbiters spontaneously turn a game into a Calvinball match, awarding ten points for each bunt? We're sure Mr. Phillips will give the culprits a stern talking-to.

Pay up, then shut up.

For good measure, to make sure the owners don't bring in younger, quicker umpires with keener reflexes, Phillips has attempted to unionize the minor-league umps, too. However, even Richie Phillips' attempt to corner the market on trained umpires will fail, because MLB has had enough and would sooner hire beer-league arbiters than see his face across the bargaining table. The Sandy Alderson quote you've heard so much on the news -- "This is either a threat to be ignored or an offer to be accepted" -- is a lot less flippant than you might imagine.

Even the fans seem to be saying "good riddance." Without exception, every single person I've mentioned the mass resignations to has responded with, "good." My response would be a little different, and would be likely to include the phrase "dancing in the aisles" and something about doors and butts on the way out.

Sure, there are some good umpires who would go as well, but after a few months of "employment" with a "company" that actually can't pay wages because nobody is contracting their services, they will part ways with Phillips.

The rest will be younger guys with better eyes and the actual ability to run out to the outfield in order to determine whether a ball went over the fence or hit six feet over on the scoreboard. Of course, this all depends on MLB developing some intelligence as well, but fortunately there have been a few glimmers lately.

Phillips says it's about respect. That's absolutely correct: nobody is going to respect the umpires until they show a willingness to do their job correctly and are all physically capable of doing so. And nobody, but nobody, is going to respect any group of people represented by such a publicly antisocial character as Richie Phillips. As always, being an ass is no problem if it makes you successful, but Phillips' attitude may put the umpires out of a job, which just makes him a sad, sad man.

about the author

Michael Cox would like to volunteer his services, as long as he is issued a crash helmet for any game involving Albert Belle. Suggest shin pads for Paul O'Neill at-bats at mc@strikethree.com.