All-StarHead

Michael Cox

Now that another anticlimactic All-Star Game is in the books, all I'm left with is one question -- why not forget the game and just have the hype and the Home Run Derby? The game itself is almost always a letdown, quite often simply proving that exceedingly great pitching does beat exceedingly great hitting most of the time.

I've got to say that I'm not a big fan of All-Star Games in general -- the only sport in which they work is hockey, where the annual NHL contest features pure skating and scoring and the only guys getting pummeled are the goalies, with pucks. The NFL even pushes off its poorly attended Pro Bowl to a time when people really aren't paying much attention to football, a Hawaii vacation the only lure for the few stars who don't feign injury to dodge it.

It doesn't help when you have a whole mess of people who shouldn't be playing in any game using "Star" in the title -- I know, I know, every team has to be represented, but with expansion it means that there are even more Ron Coomers and Alex Gonzalezes, and fewer (or no) Frank Thomases and Alex Rodriguezes. Only the deserving should play. Period. The four-hour length of most MLB midsummer classics doesn't help either.

Anyway, on to the game itself -- hey, what's this?

I told you it would happen, warned you for years, and now it's finally here! Animated cyborg baseball players! Thank you FOX, you're officially now treating baseball like something you don't expect people to watch for the sport itself, like you do with hockey. And Bud Selig wants to throw ESPN over for more of this?

The good news: this year there's no annoying network-sanctioned plane noise droning throughout the game. (Blimps: traditional, and with good reason.) The bad news: this year there's no crowd noise, either. In a pitching duel with nobody hitting as much as a hard double off the Monster, without a hometown pitcher to cheer on there really isn't much attraction for the gathered masses.

However, I love good pitching, and there was a boatload. First and foremost was deserving MVP Pedro Martinez. Five out of six batters struck out, easily outclassing Curt Schilling's off-couple-of-innings. But the starter generally has little to do with the eventual outcome of an All-Star Game, and the cast of thousands came through for both sides. The only exception was Kent Bottenfield, who apparently pitched the fourth because Bruce Bochy wanted to exhaust his supply of Cardinals as quickly as possible.

Mike Mussina made his own bed in the fifth, but managed to bounce up off it in fine style, striking out a hankerin'-for-the-monster Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire to get out of a jam and prove why he's about thirty more Oriole losses from deserving something better than he's getting.

You wanna win a World Series? Just get Randy Johnson, Mike Hampton and Billy Wagner on the same staff...wait, that's been done.

Both teams came out tied in the managed-to-use-all-our-players derby, with the NL losing only because they required the dreaded mid-inning pitching change to run through their squad. Still, the endgame moved along briskly, as generally happens when only one hit and two walks are allowed in the last 3-1/2 frames (unless Tony LaRussa or Davey Johnson are managing one of the teams).

All in all, great pitching, but without a real team to root for it all seemed a bit...empty. Final verdict: the Home Run Derby was actually more exciting. I wouldn't have switched to ESPN's replay of the US-China women's World Cup game, but that's only because I already knew nobody would score for two and a half hours.

Oh, and Juan Gonzalez wasn't there.

Hey! They're replaying the game! No, wait, they're just replaying FOX' heavy-handed intro again to fill time. I guess all the players are dressed and off to the airport already.

about the author

Michael Cox' cat is apparently averse to the visage of Nomar Garciaparra. Explain that a creature who seems to enjoy Sister Sister can't really be expected to be an arbiter of taste at mc@strikethree.com.