Baseballhead:
Ump Dump

Michael Cox

If it's Wednesday, it must be Baseballhead, the column that asks the musical question, "if ESPN considers the spelling bee to be a sport, why isn't Classic Sports rerunning footage of Bill Gates' high school science fair?"

As usual, ranting about umpires, in this case last week's spotlight on the instant replay fiasco, has proved to be a crowd-pleaser (I'd save up columns on ump incompetence for sweeps month, if the Web had a sweeps month). Also as usual, there's always more to tell.

It seems there's now a groundswell of support for Frank Pulli, the NL arbiter who went to the videotape in order to save his bungling crew from themselves. Or more correctly, it's a groundswell of disdain that NL head Len Coleman would declare replay to be verboten. It seems to be coming from both sportswriters and the cream of the stathead crop, strange bedfellows indeed.

The reasoning goes that if the call is correct, who cares how it came about? What they're forgetting is that the call -- that Cliff Floyd did not hit a home run -- was correctly made in the first place. It was a true display of incompetence that the crew allowed Floyd to convince them that he did hit a home run, inexplicably creating the very situation which "required" replay.

Also, these folks fail to see the true consequence of allowing instant replay in baseball -- it could conceivably further extend the careers of today's bad umpires. Can't see worth beans because you're in your seventies and thick corrective lenses would be too unseemly to wear in public? Rewind the tape and make the call!

Not to repeat myself, but the problem is bad umpires. A man with reasonable (or better still, athletic) conditioning and good vision could have gotten far enough out into the field that he'd have clearly seen the non-home run. The current crop of guys can barely trot out of the infield and have trouble making calls right in front of them, much less in the outfield. I'd be tempted to allow replay for tricky home run calls, but I'm too scared that it would result in even worse umpiring the other 99% of the game. No replay.

Item: Angels hurler Tim Belcher found himself the brunt of Chan Ho Park's frustration this past weekend after a typical Belcher "hard-nosed" tag and exhortation to "get the [ahem] off the field" directed at the guy who had just given up a grand slam. Park first forearmed (Albert Belle should be demanding royalties) then made some sort of a bad attempt at a spinning heel kick, both of which connected, before Belcher remembered he's a baseball player and began rasslin' with the Korean.

I first saw it in print, and to tell you the truth, it looked kinda funny, not to mention that I can fully understand the occasional person wanting to take a poke at Belcher. Upon seeing a replay, however, it was clear that Park crossed way, way over any sort of line you might draw. So he tagged you hard. That does happen from time to time. So he swore at you. If I had a dime for every player who I've seen swear at another, we wouldn't need to sell ads here.

I even might've let the forearm go, because by necessity the other guy has to be in your face or you couldn't reach him. But a combination was clearly uncalled for. Justice was swift and, well, just, as Coleman assessed a wise seven-game penalty on Park. Incident over, Park apologized to his teammates and Belcher, and you can bet any other budding Steven Segals are putting their kendo sticks back in storage.

Item: Interleague play is hitting a depression already, as it didn't take long for the novelty of Royals-Reds or Devil Rays-Expos to wear off. The answer? Each team now plays an extra bonus series versus their "natural rival." Bud Selig realized that Yanks-Mets will pack 'em in, and even White Sox-Cubs and Angels-Dodgers should do well, but neglected to think about teams who don't have such a rival, or that somebody has to play the Pirates or Twins.

Look for this "natural rivalry" play to increase as overall interleague attendance goes down, until eventually the only NL team you'll see in Seattle will be the Padres. Color me excited.

Item: The Mets, disappointed in the performance of their shiny new free agents, went on a firing spree this past weekend at the worst possible time -- the middle of their interleague series with the Yankees. Maybe the team needed a shakeup, but firing both the pitching and hitting coach tells the world loud and clear, "we've got no idea what pants are, much less what we're doing running a team."

The moves were made by GM Steve Phillips, but likely mandated by ownership partner Fred Wilpon ("bring me the heads of...er, somebody. Just not the guy with the high-pitched voice. Not yet, anyway"). Most inexplicable was the firing of bullpen coach Randy Niemann, meaning that the team had to look for a new guy whose main role was to tell stories to the pitchers and to raise his cap when a guy finishes warming up.

Item: We wrap up with "Whose Line Is It Anyway"'s Greg Proops, who supplied the voice for the pod race announcer in "The Phantom Menace." Just who did he use as his role model for the part? Why, none other than current Mariners color man and former Angels and Giants broadcaster Ron Fairly. The basis for this, er, interesting decision? Proops told Entertainment Weekly, "He tends to get things wrong a lot...I always thought he was hilarious."

Unfortunately, Proops did not have his Fairly impression quite polished enough: not once in the movie did he say "You've gotta remember who's in trouble here."

about the author

Michael Cox has yet to see an infielder heed Fairly's advice and let an infield fly drop off the back of his glove. Explain that Fairly played in Canada at mc@strikethree.com.