Baseballhead:
Watch Those Paws

Michael Cox

Welcome once again to Baseballhead, the column that feels a little bit uneasy about sportscasters who are overly fond of the term "dong."

Starting off on a bit of a somber note, I'd like to express my condolences to the friends and family of wrestler Owen Hart, who as you probably already know, died Sunday while rappelling to the ring. There's currently a controversy over whether he should have been performing such a feat, which is becoming more and more commonplace in many sports venues. Several major league teams have had their mascots lowered on wires in the past, both from the tops of domed parks and from helicopters at outdoor fields.

The real issue is safety, and my personal feelings about mascots aside, I beseech the likes of Slider and the Mariner Moose to check every connection and make sure they know just what they're doing before performing what they might think is a routine stunt. Better yet, hire a professional stuntman to fill the suit. He probably can't do any worse at entertaining the crowd than the usual guy.

Item: Baseball's big brouhaha this week is the bizarre overreaction to Curt Schilling's honest, and like it or not, truthful, appraisal of the Phillies front office and the likelihood of said front office supporting a pennant drive. As my colleague Derek Zumsteg elaborated yesterday, Schilling has put up with being stuck in some awfully bad teams in Philly, slapped together from flotsam and jetsam with the sole purpose of saving cash.

However, the worst offender in all of this was GM Ed Wade, who faxed a couple of vitriolic pages to the media as a rebuttal that did everything but rebut. Calling Schilling's remarks "self-serving," Wade spent most of his statement defending the team's vague "dumb luck" theory of fielding a lineup. Listen Ed, it doesn't take a brain surgeon to understand that the Phils are more into saving money than winning games, and calling your best player names isn't going to help your cause.

Whatever the case it's now official: Curt Schilling and Ed Wade don't like each other very much. So how's that "free-agent fan" feeling about his choice in ballclubs now?

Item: A lot of guys got hit by pitches this past week -- many of them unintentionally. Thanks to the bizarre combination of a knuckleballer and the strange air conditioning currents of the D-Rays' dome, Angels starter Steve Sparks managed to tag four guys in a game, three of them consecutively, both feats tying major-league records. Considering the climate regarding hit batsmen these days, I'm surprised The Great Canseco didn't tackle him after he was hit in the first inning.

Both the Indians' Manny Ramirez and the Cards' Shawon Dunston did charge the mound in games this week, touching off the usual bench-clearing moshpit that could easily be stopped with a mandatory suspension for each man to leave the dugout or bullpen. The usual retort, "then it's one against nine," is of course the best reason for this rule, as it will give the hitter something to think about before making an attempt at beating up the pitcher.

Barreling in towards the mound is always a fruitless waste of effort as it is, pretty much never concluding with the intended result of beating up the pitcher (and sometimes, like the famous Nolan Ryan/Robin Ventura incident, resulting in added embarrassment for the hitter). Knowing this, strict penalties for leaving the dugouts may actually protect these dim bulbs from their own bad judgment.

Item: Meanwhile in Baltimore, flailing Rangers starter Mike Morgan hit projectile magnet Brady Anderson twice in one inning, both likely accidentally. In reporting the story, most media outlets played it up as a big deal for Anderson (with the de rigeur "aw shucks, it 'tweren't nothin'"-type quote from the Bird), because he's the third man ever plunked twice in a frame.

What they missed, however, was the real record: Morgan was the first pitcher to ever to perform the feat of hitting a player twice in an inning all by himself. Both of the previously plunked players were nailed by two separate pitchers: the Reds' Willard Schmidt by Braves pitchers Bob Rush and Lew Burdette on April 26, 1959, and the Mets' Frank Thomas by the Phillies' Art Mahaffey and Frank Sullivan on April 29, 1962.

This "record" is pretty dubious as it is, so to press the issue would be silly. Therefore, it's perfect for this column. Damn the East Coast biased media -- give the props where they're deserved, to the man who is the sole holder of his record. Of course, Morgan may well hope we stop mentioning it...

Item: Another variation on the theme of the owie pitch is the war of words between Diamondbacks lefty Randy Johnson and Rockies manager Jim Leyland. The topic? Darryl Kile's pitches to the Big Unit, which have been a skosh on the up-and-in side. On the other hand, Leyland doesn't like it that the bat tends to fly out of Johnson's hands.

Classless threats by both men aside, I would tend to side with Johnson on the whole deal. Reasons: first, Johnson can't hit worth beans. Trying to back him off the plate with an inside heater only serves to waste a pitch that could have been a strike. Second, anyone who's seen the 6'10" Unit's strike zone has to admit that it takes some work and premeditation to place the ball anywhere near his head. Third, the bat tends to fly out of Johnson's hands frequently -- I saw him do it twice in the D-Backs-Expos game I attended a while back.

The worst problem in all of this is the classless threats of injury by both sides. Leyland in particular should know better, being the "well-respected" manager he is. He must have better things to do, like pitch his young starters' arms off...

Item: And to wrap up this flying-orb edition of the column, MLB has issued an edict that players and coaches are no longer allowed to toss used baseballs into the stands. Baseball has long had a "don't give balls away" policy, but after the 1994-95 player strike, the flipping of foul balls into the stands was encouraged as a way of appearing more "fan-friendly." Now, after seeing the maniacal scrums that occur in the landing spots of Mark McGwire dingers, Bud Selig has determined that the frenzy may extend to the "giveaway" balls.

Not to worry that the bigs are trying to save cash, though -- players and coaches will still be allowed to hand a ball to a fan. Still looks good on TV, the crusty third-base coach rubbing the freckle-faced kid's crewcut as he proffers the coveted sphere. Never mind that the kid's dad could afford the $35 "dugout level" seats that enabled the transaction, or that the kid in the $5 bleachers will never have a chance to get a between-innings outfield-toss baseball from Griffey ever again.

Of course, the lawyers are behind this. They always are.

about the author

Michael Cox thinks he knows why Greg Maddux isn't doing too well this year, and suggests that the free eye exam at America's Best might be the culprit. Recommend a good optometrist at mc@strikethree.com.