Hacking Ain't Easy

Dave Paisley 

My colleague Jason Barker introduced you to the intriguing Hacking Mass competition a few days ago, but he left without helping you to make an intelligent selection. In fact, some of Jason's Hacking Mass team were almost competent, so I'm not overly confident Jason's going to win anything this year. So here's the Thinking Person's Guide to Hacking '99.

You may recall that a hacking mass roster is comprised of a mere five players - a catcher, first baseman, third baseman, middle infielder and an outfielder. Don't ask me why - I didn't make the rules, it's just the way it is. And remember that to gain greatness at hacking a player needs to be bad, yet must get to play regularly. It's a fine tightrope to walk.

Let's take the most difficult category first. First basemen are at something of a disadvantage in hacking, as they generally have to demonstrate some kind of offensive capability to hold down a job. The list from last year shows that a truly dedicated part-timer like Ryan McGuire (yes, not that other McGwire spelled wrong) can beat out the merely weak who get to play every day. However, the question you have to ask yourself is, "Will Ryan McGuire get to play as much as last year?" The answer is probably no, especially if he keeps underperforming like this.

Better to go with a regular on the downside of his career and being paid too much to sit. The much-in-demand Hal Morris seems to be the best prospect this year. Another couple of good bets are J. T. Snow and Rico Brogna, both guaranteed to get plenty of at-bats. I just don't see Jason's pick, Jeff King, competing with that crowd.

First Base	Team	Hack
McGuire	Mon	64
Morris	Cin	35
Jackson	Fla	34
Lee, D.	Fla	34
Norton	ChA	33
Snow	SF	24
Brogna	Phi	21
Hamelin	Bos	16
King	KC	16

 
Another difficult category is third base, and I've kept the list short here because there are three excellent candidates. The everyday guys like Ed Sprague, Ron Coomer and Cal Ripken (yes, how the mighty have fallen) are all guaranteed to get lots of opportunities to drag their teams down.

Doug Strange will be unlikely to get as many as the 200 AB or so that he got last year, and Kevin Orie won't be playing if he doesn't improve. In this group I really like Sprague. Even if he's really awful, the Pirates are sadly committed to trotting him out there regardless. Jason's pick of Matt Williams is a brave one, as Matt will have a hard time keeping up with the likes of Sprague.
 

Third Base	Team	Hack
Strange	Pit	72
Orie	Fla	67
Sprague	Pit	57
Coomer	Min	54
Ripken	Bal	52

 
Catcher is a wonderful wasteland of hacking, where the likes of John Flaherty rule. And while there are several pretenders to the throne, I just don't see anyone that can compete. Sandy Alomar, for instance, could break out and have another 1997, an occurrence that would completely blow the entire hacking season for an unsuspecting owner.

Charles Johnson is a viable candidate, but I haven't given up entirely on his offense, so the downside risk is too high. No, better to play it safe with Flaherty. Jason's pick, Carlos Hernandez, did have a good year last year, and may well slip back, but why not go with the sure thing?
 

Catcher	Team	Hack
Flaherty	TB	87
Zaun	Tex	78
Alomar, S.	Cle	76
Johnson, C.	Bal	66
Matheny	Tor	62
Servais	SF	61
Hinch	Oak	60
Widger	Mon	58
Fabregas	Fla	58
Hernandez	SD	51
DiFelice	TB	49

 
And so to the wide open hacking spaces of the middle infield. It's shooting fish in a barrel time. Shortstops and second basemen aren't hired for their bats (unless they are called Alex or Nomar or Derek...) and this overqualified crew certainly demonstrates that fact of life. Rey Ordonez is the reigning King of Hack, but even he doesn't stand alone in this field. The competition is quite fierce and none of these guys are going anywhere.

Perhaps the biggest surprise on this list is Neifi Perez, who would be pushing Rey for the title if he wasn't handicapped by playing in Coors. So this year, if you want to go for the big prize, pick Rey. If you want to try for the best team without Rey, Alex Gonzalez or Desi Relaford are reasonable bets, but you can hardly go wrong here. Just make sure you get someone who'll be playing every day. Jason's pick of Jeff Blauser is a brave one (or maybe an ex-Brave one...) as he has been pretty good in the past and will either rebound or he probably won't play much. Either way, he's a tough one to pick with all that young, mediocre talent above him.
 

Middle Infield	Team	Hack
Ordonez, R.	NYM	118
Gonzalez, A.	Tor	94
Relaford	Phi	89
Lewis, M.	Cin	79
Grudzielanek	LA	78
Meares	Pit	77
Cruz, D.	Det	75
Stocker	TB	74
Perez, N.	Col	72
Baerga	Stl	71
Castro	LA	71
Gutierrez	Hou	70
Clayton	Tex	68
Polcovich	Pit	68
Cairo	TB	68
Blauser	ChN	68
Graffanino	Atl	65
Renteria	Stl	63
McLemore	Tex	63

 
Finally, we arrive in the outfield, which is where Tony Womack will end up eventually, when his arm heals. No longer lost in the sea of mediocrity that is the middle infield pack, Womack becomes a real challenger in the outfield. Unfortunately, he'll lose at least a couple of weeks of the regular season, more likely a month, which will eat into his ability to win the Hacking Mass competition for you.

Far better to stick with Brian Hunter (also Jason's pick), who will continue to play every day while demonstrating a total inability to muster up any batting skills. And the other good part is that none of his stolen bases will hurt your chances of winning at all.
 

Outfield	Team	Hack
Hunter, B. L.	Det	107
Womack	Az	86
Cameron	Cin	78
Santangelo	SF	76
Glanville	Phi	71
Gilkey	Az	67
Martin, A.	Pit	66
Finley	Az	65
Grissom	Mil	65
Dunwoody	Fla	58
Nixon	Atl	47

One final tip - wait until a couple of days before the deadline before signing up. You don't want to get caught with a player who suddenly gets cut, or who loses his starting job in spring training.

So tentatively, my roster is looking like Hal  Morris, Ed Sprague, John Flaherty, Rey Ordonez (or Alex Gonzalez) and Brian L. Hunter. I'm just glad they don't play for my team.

about the author

Dave Paisley is currently drawing up plans to build a Hacking Mass Hall of Fame in El Cajon, California, birthplace of Bret Boone.