TV OD

Derek Zumsteg

I was watching the first game of the World Series, screaming at the television ("BAT HEAD SPEED IS INDEPENDENT OF PITCH SPEED, YOU IDIOTS!!") when my girlfriend (who, as you may have already guessed, is gifted with unnatural tolerance) asked me why, if it annoyed me so much, why I was even watching. I had to put down my beer (noticing, at the same time, that there was already one set down) and consider the question.

I'm watching the games not because I want to see whether the Yankees are better than the Padres, because it's obvious that they are. The human interest angles bore me (I'm no fan of Leyritz, for reasons Seattle fans should appreciate); the announcers make me want to throw things. And those vwoosh-vwoosh graphics and the little blinking lights?

I'm watching baseball because I really like watching baseball, and in particular I really like watching great pitchers. Kevin Brown didn't put on a clinic, but he's still fun to watch. Mind you, for an all-mastery series Astros-Padres was better, but I'll take what I can. I've learned a couple things by watching baseball differently this season (among them: what a pitch is and what categories of pitches are is arbitrary, depending on the announcer) is that there is no more important thing in baseball than a pitcher.

Only for the worst pitchers facing the best hitters is the pitcher at a disadvantage (and when we're talking about those pitchers, well, they're used to that). A skilled pitcher needs fear no strike zone, and a smart pitcher needs fear no Oriole. Or Devil Ray.

I've been watching the World Series because I haven't had many chances to see Orlando Hernandez, or any of the Padres. And to quote Teri Hatcher, "they're real and they're spectacular."

I've also noticed a lot of things in these playoffs that have caused me to want to walk away from the TV. I don't normally stray from baseball for too long (well, from non-Mariners games, perhaps), but I've found myself taking naps in the middle of "must-win" games. It's not as if the constant wailing of the network's other "fine" "shows" you can "enjoy" is new to this series, or that the announcers here are particularly bad.

What I have a hard time abiding is the constant drumbeat of this being the season that healed baseball, as Steinbrenner looks for a new stadium for the Yankees (he really needs one, too -- it's not like the Yankees don't make more money than any other franchise) and the basic problems of baseball remain unresolved (but that's another article).

Here's what I'm watching for these days, with the sound off:

- Wacky managerial moves. What the hell has come over Bochy? Why is it that many managers, once they get to the playoffs, suddenly decide to manage their pitching staffs as if they'd completely forgotten what they did that won them ninety games. Joe Torre seems to be immune to this weird sickness, but we'll see if Bochy manages to provoke him into it.

- Every day, a new strike zone. Hey guys, the World Series is about baseball, not your personal spotlight to showcase your ideal strikezone. Umpires shouldn't be noticed, and definitely shouldn't make themselves the center of attention. We haven't seen any Eric Gregg-esque performances yet, but there's only a couple games left, so the pressure is on.

- Statistics, statistics, statistics. Did you know that fewer than 5% of all statistics displayed in major-league games have any merit? Seriously, postseason stats are flukey, based on extremely small sample sizes against a weird subset of the season. Don't think that someone hitting .650 with power in the postseason is a better hitter than poor-post-season-having Ken Caminiti, because that isn't the case.

- And the pitchers. They're pretty good.

- Additional time freed from yelling at TV is great to devote to stealing signs.

Here's my thought for the day, though. Why doesn't MLB have two crews, the full-color crew and a minimalist stathead crew? Isn't that what the second audio channel is for? Secondary audio? There's a third for Espanol, so don't get huffy about that. If your cable company doesn't crush the additional feeds (and many, many do), you could listen to the game and hear "His on-base through the season was an excellent .375, and he's taken a lot more walks this season than the last, making him much more difficult to pitch to" instead of "He hit .302 with 89 RBIs this year, really a fan favorite..."

That kind of intelligent commentary is what I wish for, along with free beer, a pony, and a high-paid writing gig.

 

about the author

Derek Zumsteg led the Media Beer League in hits, homers, on-base percentage and stolen bases this year, which should tell you how much he likes beer. Tell him to drink responsibly because Anheuser-Busch says so at dmz@strikethree.com.