Least Valuable Player: NL

Dave Paisley

We all know who the big guns are when it comes to the MVP awards, but what of the little guys? They aren't bad enough to ride the pine every day, but they really aren't that good either. They're what I called the "Awful Stars" around the time of the Mid-Summer Classic, and their annual award is the Least Valuable (every day) Player.

LVPs are typically chosen from among the dregs of the triple crown categories - average, home runs and RBI. In addition to the triple crown stats, I've shown runs scored and OPS (On base percentage Plus Slugging average). These are the guys whose averages are mixed in with the pitchers on their team. A typical reaction is: "Hey, (Kevin Brown / Greg Maddux / Randy Johnson) has a better average than this guy!"

I have to admit that the following list isn't scientific. It includes the lowest OPS regulars at the very top, but does skip over a few spots to capture some of the more prominent names in the league.
 

Player	AB	AVG	HR	RBI	R	OPS
Rey Ordonez	454	.247	0	38	42	.575
Desi Relaford	450	.240	5	35	43	.621
Mark Lewis	489	.245	9	53	50	.658
Al Martin	440	.239	12	47	57	.660
Charles Johnson	432	.215	18	57	42	.663
Carlos Baerga	480	.269	6	50	44	.666
Marquis Grissom	489	.268	8	57	50	.676
Edgar Renteria	501	.281	3	30	78	.683
Tony Womack	599	.282	3	43	83	.683
Mark Grudzielanek	541	.279	9	56	60	.690
Mark Kotsay	525	.270	10	59	68	.699
Steve Finley	568	.246	14	64	88	.706

 
The reigning King of sub-standard offense is at it again. All he does is not hit the ball. Rey Ordonez roolz, doodz! Well, at least among middle infielders. Desi Relaford is proving the Mariners brass right with his almost-Ordonez-like offense. And to be just a smidge better than Ordonez is still not a good thing. And look! There's his middle infield partner right behind him! Shame about the Phillies.

It is possible that Al Martin's year ranks right down there with Rey when you consider the guy is an outfielder. 440 at bats for an outfielder with a .660 OPS.

And Charles Johnson doesn't seem to be reacting well at all to Dodger stadium. Never a big hitter, Johnson has disappeared from radar maps about as well as an F-117 Stealth Fighter over Baghdad. Now tell me again how much more valuable it is to have a "great defensive catcher" instead of Mike Piazza...

Close on his heels, we have once super-2B Carlos Baerga, who has a suspiciously devilish-looking OPS. Then comes the once highly-touted leadoff man Marquis Grissom. Well, I'm glad he's buried in obscure ol' Milwaukee, where nobody's paying any attention.

After that, we have the sad tale of the other highly-overrated middle infielders. Renteria, Womack and Grudzielanek are all sort of big names, but without the bats to match. Still, they aren't bad enough to meet King Rey's high standards of abysmality. (And yes, I just made that word up.) So they aren't even good enough at failure to be outstanding.

Bringing up the rear we have two outfielders, who should be ashamed to be seen in this company. At least Mark Kotsay has a couple of years before he gets labeled a stiff, but Steve Finley is just awful. Well, I guess he's better than Brian Hunter, which at least makes him not the worst center fielder in the majors. (Hence the Steve Finley victory song: "Woohoo! I'm not the worst, I'm not the worst..." repeated until exhaustion.)

So there you have it -- a comprehensive analysis of the giant sucking sound you hear when certain guys come to bat. And the loudest of those sucking sounds is when "King" Rey Ordonez arrives in the so-called "batter's box".

Yeah, right. When are they gonna rename it the "'couldn't get the bat on the ball if Dave Paisley was pitching' box"?

about the author

Dave Paisley can't attend a Jenny Craig seminar without thinking about ump Eric Gregg's strike zone. Thank you. Thank you. We'll be here all week. Write Dave at drdjp@strikethree.com.