Baseballhead:
When Players Attack

Michael Cox

Welcome to Baseballhead, the column that would love to watch all the Mark McGwire ESPN wants to give it, if only it didn't have to sit through the other 95% of a Cards game each time...

Item: The Seattle Times printed a feature in which it asked besieged Mariner hurler Randy Johnson such questions as, "What do you do if you're stuck in traffic?" and "Favorite trail?", all answered with the same brusque "No comment." Whether it was an attempt to be witty and sarcastic (it failed) or a frustrated reaction by the Times' normally ass-kissing baseball writers, it was clearly wrong for a "legitimate" newspaper to make up an exchange like that.

Of course, that the Times wouldn't know humor if it bit 'em in the vitals is made clear by its occasional "humor" columns written by Ron C. Judd. The only purpose Judd's writing seems to serve is to let everyone know he hates spectator sports (he's normally the paper's "outdoors" reporter). Granted, the fact that he's the president of the local writers' guild chapter goes a long way to explain why they allow him to continue.

On a related note, a lot of jaws have been flapping for far too long about RJ as "clubhouse cancer," or even as at least one sports radio caller and several Usenet denizens have called him, "garbage". As someone who has actually known and spent time with Johnson, it ain't that way. It's only sports, ladies and gentlemen, and if you can't differentiate between someone playing a sport and a real-life bad guy, you're useless.

Item: Mo Vaughn says he's done with the Red Sox, placing all the blame on GM Dan Duquette for requiring Vaughn to undergo stringent sobriety evaluations as part of any new deal. Vaughn also claims that the team has had him followed, and that Duquette has implied that Vaughn uses drugs. Vaughn does deserve better than the known "alcohol evaluation" clause in the team's contract offers, and the police investigation of drug allegations.

However, Duquette deserves the benefit of the doubt when he says he has not had Vaughn followed and that he was not the one who "tipped" the cops. And again, as bad as Duquette may be as a GM, let's not judge him as being guilty of being an vile, crappy excuse for a human being unless and until there's proof.

Item: The Wrigley Field "Bleacher Bums" toss beer cups on the field after a Sammy Sosa HR, and of course the pundits came out yet again to mumble "mockery of the game" and other claptrap. Truth is, it was sorta funny. I do draw the line at the five guys who ran out onto the field.

Item: The Hall of Fame inductions were held Sunday, and our hats are off to all the gentlemen voted into the Hall this year. However, you can add me to the legions who don't quite understand why 300 career wins is some sort of magic number for entry. A lot of folks have had to stretch a long way to show that Don Sutton has accomplished anything that puts him head and shoulders above his contemporaries, and that isn't right. Heck, if longevity is the important thing, make room for Jesse Orosco.

I guess it might have just been my humble upbringing, but I feel sorry for Sutton when he says that Hall of Fame membership was his life's dream. He had a good career. Would he really think less of himself if he didn't make it? My advice to him: Immortality is overrated. Live for today. Your daughter is teaching you that lesson - pay attention.

Item: Right after the recent Bob Nightengale column which swiped at Ken Griffey, Jr. for playing a game (a gimmick game, no less) with his cap backward and shirt untucked (oh, and don't forget the earring), Our Buddy Bob writes a column on Griffey himself, praising Junior's attitude. After quoting an array of quotes from various points in the year and finishing with Griffey's desire for team wins over homers, Nightengale concludes, "That's just the way it should be." (Of course, Nightengale naturally had to throw in the opinion, "Nationally no one cares about the Mariners' fortunes." Sez who? Ted Turner?)

Hmmm...I'm beginning to think Nightengale writes his columns not because he believes in what he's writing, but because he thinks they'll sell...

Item: The final word on McGwire and the necessity to walk him rather than have him beat you, from Big Mac himself: "If they're not giving me pitches to hit, I'll be patient and take the walk...that's the way the game is played."

That's just the way it should be.

Michael Cox just found out there's a heavy bag in his new workplace, and later found that it's hard to type with bloody fingers. Let him know if you can round up some kids to run the streets of Philly with him at mc@strikethree.com.