The Angry Fan

Michael Cox

Ahh, America. The land of rights.

Not only the ones on those documents in Washington, mind you, but many, many more, according to some people. Rights such as the right to drive; the right to smoke in public; the right to send unsolicited commercial e-mail, even to people who expressly do not want it, and many more.

And now, a new one, according to at least a few fans: The right to see Mark McGwire hit a home run.

I was listening to a local sports-talk show recently when a caller began to gripe about pitchers who pitch around Everyone's Favorite Possible Record Breaker. He went on to call Bob Tewksbury's infamous eephus pitch to Mac "garbage", and asked if there's any way for fans to sue teams who intentionally walk McGwire.

Now, this would've been not a big deal in and of itself, if the host had explained a simple fact to the caller: The opposing team's job is to not let McGwire hit the ball. But no. In the tradition of the Great American Media, the host babbled for a moment about how no fans have ever won lawsuits against sports teams and bade the caller adieu. Somewhere in my car, an eyebrow was raised.

Over the next few days, I heard the caller's sentiment echoed several times, leading me to believe that there are a reasonable number of folks out there who feel that because fans "pay the bills," pitchers should be groovin' 'em to McGwire in order to please said fans. Now, I'm all for sportsmanship and manliness and all that crap, but the best way to beat the Cardinals is to not let McGwire (or Brian Jordan) get an extra-base hit, especially with men on base. Unless the pitcher is Greg Maddux (and sometimes, even if he is), you pitch very, very carefully to Mark McGwire. If you're trying to win the game, that is.

Of course, this whole flap is a symptom of a much larger disease: Angry fans are running rampant, zealously opposing anything and everything they happen to see as some sort of mockery of the game. They petition, start websites, and generally won't shut up, even after the "damage" is irreversible. Realignment spits on tradition. The designated hitter is a travesty. Too much expansion, fan voting for All-Star starters, players hitting too many home runs - all ruin the game, according to at least a few out there.

Many media "experts" do their best to fan the flames, mind you. Sports-talk host Ron Barr says baseball ticket prices are too high, citing a study that says it costs $121.00 for a family to attend a Braves game. Never mind that the quoted figure includes two programs, two caps and practically a full dinner for everyone. Bungling writer Bob Nightengale prefaced an article on Bobby Cox's benching of Andruw Jones with the following oh-so-subtle slap at Ken Griffey, Jr.: "You don't wear your uniform top out, your hat on backwards or earrings while you play the game of baseball." Never mind that what Griffey gives back to baseball in one minute eclipses the sum total of Nightengale's lifetime of work.

And the King of All Media Whiners, of course, is Bob Costas. Every NBC baseball broadcast becomes a litany of the Ills of Baseball. Tell me, when you watch a movie, would you appreciate a voice-over telling you how crappy the next scene is going to be? I thought not.

Of course, there's so much material to crank out that Barr or Nightengale or Costas can't always think about what they're saying. Rumor has it that we at Strikethree.com don't like a few things ourselves. But before thinking that realignment, or ticket prices, or a hat worn backwards is destroying the game, stop for a moment, take a deep breath, and ask yourself: When I go to a game, does this actually destroy the experience I have at the ballpark? Does it affect the way the game is played?

There are at least 17 other batters in a ballgame. The game will survive if Mark McGwire gets a free pass, both today and for history. If you can't still enjoy the game, maybe you aren't a baseball fan at all.

He'd just love to keep on writing, but right now there's a calzone with Michael Cox's name on it. Offer to bring fresh red pepper at mc@strikethree.com.