Change or Die:
Selig's Lot

Michael Cox

The backroom deal has been done. The theoretical list of potential candidates to maybe one day interview for a position as Commissioner of Baseball was thrown away like the gum wrapper it was likely written on. After all was said and done, methought right: Bud Selig did protest too much.

So now what?

Let me hit you with a crazy thought: Bud Selig might just begin to stop thinking like the two-faced baseball owner he was, and start thinking like the marketing- and idea-man a good commissioner should be.

Without the Executive Council, which exemplified the crappy pecking order of ownership, to hold him back, Selig may go on some real fact-finding journeys through the psyches of baseball fans. Not those cooked-up "polls" which supposedly told us that the Cubs and White Sox would be best off in the same division, but a real dialogue.

Bud needs to find out what the fans really want: To feel that baseball is about the cheapest entertainment an urban family can attend (it is already, people just don't feel that way); To feel "their" players are worthy of their ardor (a complex issue, and hard to do with the modern sportswriter's apparent secret envy of their colleagues who cover the White House scandals); no labor problems; no labor problems, and no labor problems.

This is a time when a lot of people have made a lot of money by telling you how corrupt MLB is, from angry ballpark opponents to angry "free-agent fans". The Commissioner of Baseball's job must be to not only make fans feel good about MLB, but to show them proof that MLB is good.

The To Do List

1. Attend games. Sit with fans. Talk to the fans. Listen to what they say. Repeat frequently throughout tenure as commish.

2. Begin negotiations on sharing media revenues. Owners of teams in small TV markets have bandied about the concept of "owning" all games played in one's own ballpark and forcing the superstations to buy the broadcast rights. Selig should back this. There are not enough owners with superstations to fire him over it.

3. After accomplishing #1, start negotiations with the Major League Players' Association on a salary cap. Begin by opening the books to Don Fehr. If some owners won't agree to it, find some who will. Only then can you start negotiations regarding the divvying up of revenues with players, and such sharing is the beginning of a true partnership between players and teams.

4. Read my lips: No Albert Belles. Any new labor agreement must include stipulations as to when a player must be available for interviews, and severe penalties for not fulfilling their media obligations. At the very least, make it part of the contract for the next generation of players. Interviews are a necessary part of a spectator sport. Movie actors and musicians usually have press availability written into their contracts; so should anyone who makes money by entertaining spectators.

(Mind you, I'd also make sportswriters sign a waiver of rights in the event that they incite a player to pummel them, but it'd never fly, not to mention a few of us here would likely spend much time being chased around the Rangers clubhouse by Juan Gonzalez.)

5. Put Pete Rose in the Hall of Fame. You can ban him, his offspring, and people who look like him from personally ever setting foot in the Hall, but Pete Rose's accomplishments cannot be denied. Selig can have a notarized statement from Rose himself stating that he bet on the Reds to lose, but Rose still deserves to be in the Hall of Fame.

6. Same goes for "Shoeless" Joe Jackson.

7. Lay down the law to the umpires union. Prepare them for a long, hard work stoppage if they won't agree to actually enforce the rules as written, outlaw swearing at players (thereby removing players' most common excuse for inexcusable behavior), and implement evaluation committees composed of ordinary people with good eyesight.

8. Real penalties with real teeth for players who actually perform heinous acts like spitting on umpires or sucker-punching other players. Suspensions with pay for such offenses. Then, train the league presidents (okay, just Gene Budig) regarding the concept of discretion.

9. Sign special endorsement deals with MLB's best players, primarily Ken Griffey, Jr. This would cover media appearances, ads and goodwill. Ever notice that Griffey never says anything bad about Nike? There's a reason for that.

10. Discount tickets available in every park for families with at least two children. But please, put them all in the same section together. A "drinkin' and swearin'" section would be nice too.

When you've accomplished all these things, c'mon back - there's a lot more where they came from.

Michael Cox has been dancing jauntily ever since he was informed that the Mariners will be switching concessionaires next year. If you contact him at mc@strikethree.com, don't burst his bubble by telling him beers will still be five bucks.