Celebrity Softball (Sort Of)

Melissa Hughes

On June 29, all of baseball had an off day. This was obviously someone's idea of a sick joke, and inspired in me an instant and pervasive panic. I immediately set off in search of an acceptable substitution. Simply put, I needed a fix, and I was willing to go to Central Park to get it.

Enter David Cone's Celebrity Softball Tournament to benefit The Baseball Assistance Team (B.A.T.). This organization, chaired by Ralph Branca, is dedicated to providing former players and their families with financial aid and other assistance. With all the millions of dollars today's ballplayers make every year, it's hard to imagine that there was ever a time when they simply did not make enough. But there was Major League Baseball even before free agency and fat pension plans, and many of those players have fallen upon hard times.

   Registered teams were managed by former big leaguers, including Joe Torre and Ralph Branca. In addition to the Baseball Assistance Team, the estimated $100,000 being raised by this event will go to the Central Park Conservancy, the City Parks Foundation and the Children's Hospital at Westchester Medical Center. Among the celebrities in attendance were Brian McRae, Joe Torre, Mel Stottlemyre, Jorge Posada, Graeme Lloyd, Derek Jeter and, of course, David Cone and Ralph Branca.    

   I don't know if it's something about celebrity softball, softball played in Central Park, or just softball in general that lends itself to some mighty wacky rules. The ultra-professional umpiring squad on hand quickly determined that a ball hit into the tree in deep left field is playable only if it drops straight from the tree right away. If it rattles around in the tree for a while, bouncing from branch to branch before dropping, it's a ground-rule double. After a home run hitting contest among the paying participants, the contending teams were narrowed down to Team Adidas and Sikorsky, a professional Softball team if I ever saw one. How do I know?

Only a professional softball team scores 15 runs in one inning.

So, how did David Cone look throwing slow-pitch softball? The world will never know. The celebrities signed autographs, mingled with fans, and "managed" the softball teams whose paid participation made the event possible.

But they didn't play.

Melissa Hughes thinks she's the player to be named later. Gently remind her of her no-trade clause at mh@strikethree.com.