What Can You Get for Sixty-Three Cents?

Derek Milhous Zumsteg

So what's a couple million buy you? If you're, say, a down-trodden contractor for a high-tech corporation, you'll never know. But if you're lucky enough to be an idiot like Brian Sabean, you can spend forty million dollars on whoever you please. Sure, we'd all like to spend it on a roster of our friends, but what if you want to win? Where does that money go at, say, first base?

Neat trick, huh? Up-down is offensive production, left-right is salary. Only players who have signed free-agent contracts or reasonable contract extension deals were counted. Salary data for Tampa and Arizona were missing from the Sucky Stat service I looked this up on, so I guessed. A complete table follows.

First off, this position is hugely overpaid. Seriously. You'd be much better off calling up a brick from AAA. A random fair hitting, decent fielding prospect costs you $300,000, will probably get on base say, 35% of the time and slug .450. You save four million to invest in pitching or a good shortstop (Bordick: stop sending me your resume. I don't care if you do know HTML, I hate you).

Interesting Points on the chart:

Big Mc Mark McGwire

What's crazy is that Mark's paid more than anyone else, and he's worth more than that. If he wasn't an injury risk (oh, did I say that?), he'd be worth whatever figure he could write out on a Post-It . Every team with any sense should walk McGwire every time he's up and hope he injures his heels trotting to first, because -- and I'd like to make this perfectly clear -- on average, Mark gets to first anyway, often on his way to home. If you walk him every time, you lower Mark's offensive threat.

By over twenty percent. That's insane, but that's a healthy McGwire. Walk him early and often.

Jim Thome

I'm not a big Jim Thome fan, but only because he's always at bat adjusting himself. It's gross. Is he trying to impress us or something? Still, he's the second best first baseman in baseball, he's not that far behind. But Thome's only paid five million. Jim Thome is another player sane managers should walk more often, and is probably happier than anyone that bulkier players allow him to prey freely.

David Segui

They said his last year was a fluke. While Woody "Fool" Woodard and co. were busy convincing the owners to give Slocumb $3m in building the most expensive, worst bullpen in baseball, some college intern signed Segui for $2m. Segui has been so happy to get out of Montreal (and who isn't?), he's continued to bloom as a hitter. A great deal for Seattle, a franchise from the Sabean "Incredibly Stupid Move-Incredibly Smart Move" School of Signings.

Carlos Delgado, John Olerud

Olerud's a good first baseman. He's measured as a wash-out against the career year when he was annointed the Williams Usurper, but Olerud gets on base like the best in the league and hits for some power as well. Carlos Delgado, hailed as an uber-prospect and then discarded, hits and gets injured in obscurity. I developed a bad taste for Carlos when he was a superman, but I've come around. He's not a bad pickup for the Jays.

Six Million Dollar Men

Rafael Palmiero is this installment's Phillies, a man who fits that trendline exactly. That said, he sucks. I despise Raffy and his cries for respect. He's in decline, a laughable excuse for a contract year, a stovepipe of a fielder, a long-time whiner, long-time caller to sports talk. Mo Vaughn is paid an extra .6m and doesn't do much more. He wants a much, much larger contract, but he's old and doesn't deserve it. His handling of the DUI is a disgrace. Travis Lee is paid six million to be a rookie, and while it's too early to judge him, he really needs to take walks. I said at the begining of the season that Lee 98 would look like Clark 87, but Clark has never had a year this bad. Speaking of Clark, he's a six million dollar man with a well-publicized injury problem. Not that he's missed more games than other oft-injured overpaid players, but that's the press for you. Clark's being paid six million because for a time, he was the best player in baseball, and more power to him, but he's not doing a lot to justify it now. Fred McGriff just sucks.

JT Snow

He sucks, he sucks, he's great, he sucks. It's amazing how much the press will cover for Snow based on his Rookie of the Year and occasional flash of talent. There are fifty prospects who could out-perform Snow every year. Hits like Rey Ordonez, fields like a cardboard cutout of Jim Thome, throws like a piece of licorice. Paid three times league average.

Name	Team	Salary	OBP	SLG	OPS
Mark McGwire	Cardinals	$8.3	.485	.800	1.285
Jim Thome	Indians	$4.8	.429	.659	1.088
Andres Gallaraga	Braves	$8.0	.392	.631	1.023
Mo Vaughn	Red Sox	$6.6	.385	.596	.981
David Segui	Mariners	$2.3	.397	.565	.962
Rafael Pamiero	Orioles	$6.5	.379	.573	.952
John Olerud	Mets	$3.8	.447	.487	.934
Mark Grace	Cubs	$4.2	.422	.507	.929
Carlos Delgado	Blue Jays	$2.4	.384	.536	.920
Jeff Bagwell	Astros	$7.9	.406	.505	.911
John Jaha	Brewers	$3.4	.411	.483	.894
Tino Martinez	Yankees	$4.3	.364	.491	.855
Will Clark	Rangers	$5.8	.386	.462	.848
Wally Joyner	Padres	$3.8	.384	.443	.827
Rico Brogna	Phillies	$1.7	.331	.488	.819
Jeff King	Royals	$4.0	.336	.477	.813
Travis Lee	Diamondbacks	$6.0	.343	.455	.798
Cecil Fielder	Angels	$2.8	.341	.431	.772
Eric Karros	Dodgers	$4.5	.345	.417	.762
Fred McGriff	Devil Rays	$6.0	.343	.388	.731
JT Snow	Giants	$2.8	.295	.328	.623

OBP - On Base Percentage (H+BB/PA), SLG (TB/AB), OPS=SLG+OBP, Salaries in millions.