Baseballhead:
Mad Dogs and Floridians

Michael Cox

Whatta wild week...

Item: The Florida Marlins almost achieve their almost masochistic (or is it sadistic? I can't decide) salary-dumping goal by sending Sheffield, Bonilla, Johnson and Eisenreich to LA and recieve Piazza and Zeile in return. What more can be said that hasn't been mushed into a pulp by such knuckleheads as I.J. Rosenberg (someone who is neither informative nor entertaining should not hold a media job) and Jim Rome (let me get this straight: his gimmick is that he's an ass?)...

However, one thing that whizzed by is the almost overt zeal (no pun, honest) with which Mike Piazza booked a flight and dressed as a Marlin the first moment possible. It's almost as if he wants to debunk the "he's in it for himself" talk by making it look like he just wants to play...or maybe he just does want to play? I mean, the guy's got to have Don Fehr on his back like a crayon "Kick Me" sign in anticipation of his raising the bar for MLB salaries, which is likely the cause of the impasse he suffered in Dodgertown. If I wanted to concentrate on playing the game, I sure as hell would suspend negotiations as soon as they became time-consuming, which is just what Piazza did. I'm not saying he's another Lou Gehrig, but I wouldn't be surprised if at the end of the year he started talking to Dodger GM Fred Claire again.

Item: In the wake of the aforementioned deal, two different class-action suits have been filed against the Florida Marlins by disgruntled fans. My advice to MLB owners: you're going to have to be as careful about the claims you make in your advertising as any other companies, and it's high time for that. These fans feel that the Marlins are guilty of fraud, and from where I sit (several thousand miles away) they may have a case.

The problem with sports is that it can't be sold like other entertainment due to the fact that you can't know what's going to happen in advance. Therefore, you have to hawk your merchandise (i.e., game tickets) based on what you think might happen. When a star cannot appear in a stage show or rock concert, a promoter often offers refunds. Sports have gotten away for a long time with sitting their stars down for rest while a filled arena chants for the missing players. Last year, the contending teams (White Sox, Rangers) that dumped players before it was clear that they had lost their divisions went a step further, and as MLB teams inch further and further over whatever imaginary line fans choose to draw, the owners will find that a court somewhere will be happy to make that line real.

Item: Juan Gonzalez intimidated the scorer at The Ballpark at Arlington into giving him a hit for a play which was previously ruled an error. This is not surprising - in fact, players often whine hits into errors and vice versa. The fact that he did it in front of the entire B at A crowd, and TV cameras, was like going on Leno and proclaiming, "I am an arrogant jerk." Net result: another hit for Gonzo, less respect from everyone outside the DFW metroplex. And just when we were trying to convince people that all his RBI without OPS wasn't such a bad thing...

Item: Umpire Larry Barnett tells Tiger manager Buddy Bell he's "made an enemy for life," because Barnett thinks Bell has impugned his integrity. Barnett was clearly over the line with that statement, with its connotations of colored impartiality. Sure enough, Barnett apologized the next day, which pretty much ended the discussion. Still, it's troubling that the comment was made in the first place, no matter how big a butthead Bell is...did I say that?

Item: The Athletics kick the White Sox' asses from here to Monday. Really, Frank Thomas, none of us would blame you if you were to start asking for a trade. In fact, most of us wonder how you've put up with Reinsdorf for so long as it is...

Michael Cox has scientifically determined that one cup of double-strength coffee equals one half-hour of rest, and has made an appointment to have "I'll sleep when I'm dead" tatooed on his butt. Ask to see the results at mc@strikethree.com.