Baseballhead:
Roger That

Michael Cox

If there are more typos than usual this week, it's because I just caught a glimpse of Snoop Dogg's MTV "comedy" show, and my eyesight is just starting to return.

The Yankees won on Sunday, but you wouldn't know it to read the news reports. The big news was the latest stumble in Roger Clemens' attempt to reach the historic, monumental, awe-inspiring (well, that's what they say) 300-win plateau. With the Yanks leading the Tigers in the fifth inning, ESPN cut in to air the moment that Clemens would become the pitcher of record, only to show a bumbling NY defense helping Detroit pull within one run.

Fortunately, national TV didn't show "Pounds" Sterling Hitchcock giving up the tying Tiger tally, or the ensuing 17-inning marathon of futility (c'mon, the Yankees had to play 17 to beat the Tigers, and even then the Tigers almost re-tied it).

No, all we really cared about was Clemens' start and that magic number 300, which seems to be placing a bit of pressure on The Rocket to the tune of almost five earned runs per game in his past four starts. Or maybe someone stole his portrait of Dorian Gray and he's suddenly become Abe Vigoda.

In any case, 300 should happen soon enough (next start: vs. Kerry Wood at Wrigley Field—ouch), but when it does it's certain he won't be wearing the special 300th-win glove he tried (and failed) to wear in his first attempt, against the Red Sox. It turns out that the distractingly large logo was placed on the mitt by MLB, who apparently doesn't read its own rulebook before creating game-worn memorabilia to auction.

Questec Madness Continues: More players are voicing their unhappiness with the Questec Umpire Information System...or are they? After the Braves lost 10-4 to the Mets on Sunday, Atlanta pitcher Ray King told the media he wished he could break one of the Questec cameras like Schilling did last week, but then directly blamed plate umpires for his strike-zone woes: "The umps are more worried about the machine than calling the game."

Manager Bobby Cox, not one to mince words when it comes to umps, laid the game directly on the shoulders of plate umpire Lance Barksdale: "It was unreal. They threw a bunch of strikes and they weren't called."

Of course, these guys think they're blaming Questec, but Questec is nothing but a crutch, a handy scapegoat whenever a plate umpire makes bad calls. "If it were up to me I would call a consistent, rulebook-conformant strike zone. Blame it on Questec." How conveeeen-ient.

Bravo hurler Darren Holmes unwittingly made the best argument for the umps being full of crapola when he said, "Anything that is borderline, a strike or a ball, he's going to call it a ball."

What, do you think it only counts against an umpire when he calls an outside pitch a strike? That it's somehow okay with MLB if a pitch in the strike zone is called a ball? It makes no sense.

Add to that contradiction the fact that the umpires themselves claim the Questec strike zone is different in every ballpark, and you've got an umpiring union either making things up to suit their purposes (in this case, they don't want objective ratings), or suffering from group stupidity. Considering that umpires react this way to every MLB attempt to enforce the rulebook, I'm thinking it's a little of both.

Northern Expos-ure: You can tell it's a topsy-turvy season when I'm getting excited about the Expos coming to town via interleague play. Who it can't be exciting for is Los Expos themselves, who next Sunday will fly from San Juan to Seattle. I'm sure the team didn't put up too much of a fight, seeing as MLB cares about the team's jet lag like they do about whether ballpark beer prices might be a tad exorbitant.

The 'Spos have earned my respect simply for not crumbling in the face of the obstacles Bud Selig throws in front of them, from their side business as a clearing house for other teams' deals to their dual "homes" both north of the US and south of it. (Prediction for next year: games in Portland and DC, and all position players must perform in evening gowns.)

That they've managed to stay in second place in the NL East is a miracle, but if the Anaheim Angels can win a World Series and "Jackass" can become a hit movie, anything's possible.

about the author

Michael Cox has always felt that if Johnny Knoxville can perform with perpetual groin injuries, ballplayers can too. Have Mike Piazza threaten to kick his...er, ass at mc@strikethree.com.