Baseballhead:
Spaghetti Midwestern

Michael Cox

Things I've learned from watching last week's Rock 'N' Roll Hall Of Fame ceremony: Elton John may not be entirely off the drugs; Audioslave's Tom Morello could someday host "Entertainment Tonight," and Gwen Stefani used to be overweight. Go figure.

Before we begin this week's prediction du jour, a brief apology for the rather, ah, thin content this past week. There are times when a combination of illness, family commitments and/or chemical imbalance will strike our writing staff, and this past week may very well been one of them. Here at Strikethree Towers we strive to maintain our level of professionalism for you, the reader, and to that end we're refunding every one of you your subscription cost for the entire year.

Oh yeah, we're still a completely free site. Silly me.

Moving on to the AL Central, when we last checked in, the Twins went from contraction locks to the subject of Yet More Words That Would Come Back To Haunt Bud Selig, but were finally out-Cinderellaed by Lancelot Link and his Red Carnation Gang. The White Sox failed early, prompting Son Of White Flag, and the Tribe spent the season with a giant "Under Construction" flashing image on their home page. I seem to remember Kansas City and Detroit fielding teams as well, but a lot of good it did them.

But a new year brings new promise, and so far Jerry Reinsdorf has promised to keep his players angry about their contracts, the Indians promise to be better real soon, the Twins promise to continue playing baseball, and the Tigers and Royals promise not to allow refunds. Oh well...

5. Detroit Tigers. No, Kansas City Royals. No, Tigers. Royals. Damn.

To even finish above the Tigers last year, the Royals had to coax career years out of Mike Sweeney and career reserve Raul Ibanez in order to counteract the offensive dead zone that was the collective bats of Neifi Perez, Brent Mayne,...hell, pretty much everybody else but Carlos Beltran and Michael Tucker. And as bad as the hitting was, the Regal pitching was worse.

Detroit's hitting again suggested that Comerica Park was the Bizarro World Coors Field, but at least they could blame injuries for a good deal of their arid offense. While Mike Illitch spends mad cash! cash! on free agents for the Red Wings, he treats the Tigers like leftover Crazy Bread, forcing GM Dave Dombrowski to make daring deals such as the Jeff Weaver-Carlos Pena trade just to tread water.

Neither team seems to care that it's cheaper to be competitive in the AL Central than any other division in MLB, instead choosing to rely on farmhands and trades to make their clubs competitive sometime around 2010. Of course, by then the White Sox and Indians will likely be spending again.

3. Cleveland Indians.

Now, here's a prediction I can be sure of. Rebuilding is taking its toll in Tribetown, as Jim Thome's departure adds even more breadth to their offensive crater and previous ace Bartolo Colon finds a home in Chicago. Fortunately, unlike the aforementioned teams who shall remain nameless, Cleveland's rebuilding program is exactly that—a program. It's just that they're going to be pretty young to start off with.

The bigger question is whether management will press the panic button as crowds dwindle at The Jake. It's bad enough that they're clinging to Ellis Burks as it stands (and with those knees, he doesn't stand all too well).

2. Minnesota Twins.

Call me an unbeliever, but I think the Twins' downfall will be the very thing most folks are complimenting: the fact that the team will return virtually intact. While most of the division is rebuilding right now, they're all likely to improve somewhat, and that spells trouble for the Twins, who have feasted on their Central brethren for the past two seasons.

Still, with the best rotation in the division and last year's experience under their belts, I see no reason the Doublemints can't win another 90 games and continue to inspire stories of their heartwarming chemistry and work ethic. Group hug!

1. Chicago White Sox.

The amazing thing about the Sox' mini-salary dump last year is that the team actually improved in the second half. The key is that there were (and are) some mighty good players in the Sox' system, and giving them a chance to play was something the team had to do eventually. Now they've added Colon and swapped closers with Oakland, and even managed to get Frank Thomas back—no small feat after the team's contractual insult at the end of 2002.

While the Twins have the balance of pitching in the Central, the Sox have the hitting, and it looks to only get better as guys like Paul Konerko and Carlos Lee hit their stride and the Big Hurt possibly rediscovers those baseball bat thingamajigs. To top it off, the youngest pitching staff in MLB will return with more experience under their collective belt. Here's hoping Reinsdorf lays off antagonizing his players long enough to buy belts for everyone.

about the author

Yes, Michael Cox is kind of unexcited about the AL Central. Ask if a Sting-Stewart Copeland fistfight at Jacobs Field might help at mc@strikethree.com.