And Now For Something Even Less Spectacular...

Dave Paisley

Well, I’ve taken a look at the MVP and Cy Young races the past couple of weeks, so now it’s obviously time to… well, what is it time to do? Maybe it’s time to look at candidates for the lesser known LVP (Least Valuable Player) and CO (Cy Old) awards. Just like the more hotly debated quality awards, candidates for the bottom end of the scale awards also must meet certain criteria, like playing in so many games. After all, it’s hard to be consistently bad, yet still be able to keep your place in the starting lineup. Sure, it’s probably easier in Tampa Bay and Milwaukee, but you’d be surprised just how many truly awful years are being had by players on good teams.

Let’s take a look at the AL first, position by position:

PLAYER          TEAM  POS   GP    AB    AVG    R  HR  RBI    OPS
Einar Diaz       CLE    C   95   303   .211   32   2   16   .553
Lee Stevens      CLE   1B   90   282   .216   39  11   38   .708
Brent Abernathy  TAM   2B  100   403   .240   41   2   32   .602
Jeff Cirillo     SEA   3B  109   369   .246   39   6   46   .636
Neifi Perez      KAN   SS  116   448   .234   53   2   28   .562
Wendell Magee    DET   OF   90   324   .271   33   6   35   .679
Terrence Long    OAK   OF  118   429   .242   53   9   46   .673
Rondell White    NYY   OF   96   351   .250   47  11   49   .677

(Dis)Honorable Mentions

PLAYER          TEAM  POS   GP    AB    AVG    R  HR  RBI    OPS
Travis Fryman    CLE   3B   91   315   .219   34   8   41   .640
Chris Singleton  BAL   OF  103   363   .253   52   6   40   .675

That’s not bad a for a Lineup of Futility. Only one OPS over .700 (and that’s just barely) while also managing to have two regulars under .600. Wow. Five of the eight players are from really bad teams (with Cleveland leading with the way — the only team to provide two LVP team members) while three are from playoff contenders.

There’s no doubt that off-season acquisitions Jeff Cirillo and Rondell White haven’t lived up to expectations. There’s more of a chance Cirillo will pull out of his funk (he’s hitting reasonable well on the road, but horribly at home.) Unfortunately for A’s fans, Terrence Long has just never been very good.

Is there any doubt that Neifi Perez, as poor as his hitting was in Colorado, was still aided considerably by the thin air in the past?

Over in the NL, the list looks something like this:

PLAYER          TEAM  POS   GP    AB    AVG    R  HR  RBI    OPS
Brad Ausmus      HOU    C   91   310   .264   47   5   34   .710
Travis Lee       PHI   1B  113   396   .250   41   8   46   .678
Keith Lockhart   ATL   2B   96   221   .217   30   5   25   .636
Vinny Castilla   ATL   3B  103   406   .231   41   9   50   .610
Cesar Izturis    LOS   SS  107   384   .229   40   1   27   .549
Doug Glanville   PHI   OF   99   302   .221   35   4   19   .575
Juan Pierre      COL   OF  114   448   .265   57   0   25   .615
Jeromy Burnitz   NYM   OF  112   363   .209   43  11   37   .643

Amazingly enough (or maybe not, this could have been the NL All-Star bench from a few years ago. Ausmus, Lee, Castilla and Burnitz have all been high profile players (and indeed the latter should be today). Even Glanville has had his moments. Like the AL LVP team, we have only one player over .700 OPS (Ausmus, who is maybe the only player on the list earning his keep) and two with sub-.600. What you don’t expect is that kind of offense from an outfield regular. And let’s face it, given that Pierre plays in Colorado, his .615 OPS is probably worse than Glanville’s in context. With the massive power outage that is Jeromy Burnitz this year, that’s a pretty skanky outfield.

And finally, if Alex Cora wasn’t the answer at short for the Dodgers, Cesar Izturis izn’t either.

And unfortunately, there were so many close races, there are a lot more dishonorable mentions in the NL:

PLAYER          TEAM  POS   GP    AB    AVG    R  HR  RBI    OPS
Jason Kendall    PIT    C  107   399   .288   41   3   33   .719
Paul Lo Duca     LOS    C  107   419   .286   49   7   47   .742
Andy Fox         FLA   2B   95   311   .263   37   1   27   .673
Fernando Vina    STL   2B  107   443   .273   50   1   42   .682
Aramis Ramirez   PIT   3B   98   349   .229   32   9   45   .636
Rey Ordonez      NYM   SS  106   350   .248   41   1   35   .607
Juan Uribe       COL   SS  113   427   .238   57   5   36   .622
Roger Cedeno     NYM   OF  110   377   .257   47   5   30   .655
Tsuyoshi Shinjo  SFO   OF   92   308   .237   35   8   32   .661

Kendall, Vina, Ordonez, Shinjo, Cedeno? More household names. Unfortunately so are Ty-d-bol, Charmin and Hoover, and you don’t see them competing for any individual awards.

Meanwhile, on the pitching front, here are some contenders for the Cy Old award, AL first, ranked by ERA:

PITCHER           TEAM   GP   W   L      IP    ERA   BB   SO   WHIP
Ryan Drese         CLE   23   9   8   121.2   6.58   55   94   1.741
Todd Ritchie       CHA   24   5  15   131.0   6.18   49   75   1.702
Dan Wright         CHA   25   8  10   142.2   5.74   55   95   1.477
Frank Castillo     BOS   25   5  12   124.2   5.55   45   81   1.490
C.C. Sabathia      CLE   23   7   9   139.0   5.30   61  106   1.460
Jeff Suppan        KAN   25   8  11   158.2   5.10   41   86   1.334
Steve Sparks       DET   24   7  11   147.0   5.08   52   76   1.565
James Baldwin      SEA   23   7   9   135.1   5.05   42   76   1.503
Jon Garland        CHA   24   8   8   138.1   4.94   61   77   1.448
Mike Mussina       NYY   24  14   6   151.0   4.94   30  115   1.285
Tanyon Sturtze     TAM   24   1  12   159.2   4.90   71   95   1.658
Scott Erickson     BAL   24   5  10   146.1   4.79   59   71   1.506

There’s some nasty looking numbers there, especially Drese and Ritchie. You just know Drese’s record is being propped up by killer run support (actually 7th best at 6.73 runs per nine innings.) And is that Mike Mussina on the list? Low WHIP, but he’s become a bit more homer-prone this year. Still, 6.97 runs of support will mask a lot of sucking.

Pity poor Tanyon Sturtze, and not just for the weird name. A 4.90 ERA isn’t exactly the stuff dreams are made of, nor is that 1.658 WHIP, but he gets the poorest run support in the league — a mere 3.26 runs per nine innings. He’s the only guy with more than seventeen starts and less than five wins. And take a close look — that’s one win. It came in June on a 4-2 win over Toronto. He pitched 8 innings in April against Minnesota and gave up one run. Tampa Bay lost 6-2. Somebody once said that you have to be pretty good pitcher to lose 20 games. Well, Sturtze isn’t pretty good, but he doesn’t deserve a whole season’s worth of awful luck.

Over in the NL, the list of shame looks like this:

PITCHER           TEAM   GP   W   L      IP    ERA   BB   SO   WHIP
Mike Hampton       COL   30   6  13   141.1   6.49   73   64   1.871
Julian Tavarez     FLA   20   8   9   110.0   5.72   56   48   1.700
Ryan Dempster      CIN   24   7  11   149.1   5.66   70  112   1.603
Ruben Quevedo      MIL   25   6  10   134.0   5.64   66   89   1.634
Shawn Chacon       COL   19   5   9   107.2   5.51   54   63   1.530
Denny Neagle       COL   26   6   7   116.1   5.33   43   78   1.387
Jeff D'Amico       NYM   23   5  10   130.0   5.26   33   90   1.315
Brandon Duckworth  PHI   23   5   8   129.0   5.23   58  132   1.450
Glendon Rusch      MIL   26   6  11   147.0   5.08   45  101   1.449
Terry Adams        PHI   29   4   8   116.0   4.88   51   76   1.466
Brian Anderson     ARI   31   5   8   129.0   4.88   25   71   1.326
John Thomson       NYM   22   7   9   133.1   4.86   30   79   1.300
Jimmy Anderson     PIT   24   8  12   133.2   4.84   60   45   1.577
Rick Helling       ARI   20   7   8   115.1   4.76   32   74   1.268

No fair piling on the Rockies, of course — it’s just natural that they’d occupy three of the top six spots. Tavarez, Dempster and Quevedo, though, what’s their excuse?

Then there’s Jeff D’Amico who, like Mike Mussina, seems to be suddenly more homer prone this year. Good WHIP, lousy ERA, and more importantly, awful run support of 3.26, The only regular with worse run support? His teammate Shawn Estes. I guess we can blame Rey Ordonez and that Jeromy Burnitz guy, huh?

And so with that I’ll end the merry-go-round of crapitude. After all, I can only expect you to take so much punishment at once…

about the author

Ever on the lookout for good euphemisms, Dave Paisley challenges you to come up with kinder, gentler, more sarcastic ways to say "Player X sucks". Send suggestions to drdjp@strikethree.com?