Every Little Thing It Does Is Magic

Dave Paisley

Well, despite Bud Selig’s best efforts to the contrary, here we are in the buildup to yet another baseball season. Just three weeks to go before the games are for real. Here at strikethree.com we’re mostly done with our predictions (and not without a nasty letter or two from ruffled readers, I might add) but there’s one source we haven’t heard from — the Magic 8 Ball of baseball. I don’t recall exactly how well it did last year, but we’re going to hold it to a higher standard this year. Well, what we’re really going to do is ask it how good my personal predictions are. I just hope it goes easier on me than the irate readers.

Please note that in the following analysis all Magic 8 Ball answers were provided by the virtual Magic 8 Ball at:

http://min.ecn.purdue.edu/~sebastia/8-ball/8-ball.html

Also, all results were exactly as generated in response to the stated question. No matter how tempting it would have been to keep rolling till I got an answer I liked, I just went with whatever I got. So here goes, starting with the American League East...

I predicted the Red Sox would lead the AL East with 96 wins. I asked Will the Red Sox finish ahead of the Yankees? Answer: Outlook Not So Good. Well that’s not encouraging. For the Yankees, with 91 predicted wins, I asked Will the Yankees finish ahead of the Red Sox? Answer: As I See It, Yes. So that leads me to believe the 8 ball is a Yankee fan. It will be tight, as always, so I guess this one could go either way.

Next in the division, I picked the Blue Jays with a measly 72 wins. I asked, Will the Jays finish above .500? And back came the answer: Without a Doubt. Uh-oh, not good on the prediction front. But then I had the sense to ask a backup question: This year? Answer: I Don't Know. So I’m guessing the Jays might well finish above .500 in some future year, but my sub-.500 finish prediction is OK for now.

Not quite dead last in the division are the Orioles, with 71 projected wins. I asked, Are the Orioles getting any younger? Answer: It Is Decidedly So. Well, of course they are. With the most geriatric squad in the majors and a bunch of retirements how could they not get younger? Of course, if they can only get B. J. Surhoff back, they could get that age up again. Finally, I asked about cellar-dweller Tampa Bay (61 wins.) Should Tampa Bay be contracted? Answer: Without a Doubt. The Magic 8 Ball has spoken. Heed it well.

Over in the Central, my conversation with the ball went like this: Will the Twins (81 wins) win the AL central? Answer: Most Likely. So, the 8 ball likes the Twins, eh? But what about the White Sox (81 wins)? Will the White Sox be competitive? Answer: Maybe. Not so positive here, indicating the fact that maybe the 8 ball isn’t convinced that Frank Thomas will last past the All-Star break. Or maybe it thinks the Sox pitching is suspect. Frankly, it was keeping its opinions mostly to itself.

How about the Tigers (79 wins)? Will Detroit do anything this year? Answer: Yes! Wow, pretty emphatic. But again I had to go for clarity - Will it be good? Answer: Possibly. So that takes the edge off a bit. Still, anything out of the ordinary will be good in Detroit. Next up are a declining Indians squad (75 wins). Are the Indians screwed this year? Answer: My Sources Say No. Good news for Wahoovians, then. Maybe their team won’t suck.

Finally, there’s the AL doormat Royals (60 wins, and that’s being generous.) Will the Royals ever be any good? Answer: Possibly. Well don’t get too excited there, Mr. 8 Ball. Again, I had a follow up question: Before 2020? Answer: No! And so the 8 ball is right in line with everyone not working in the Royals front office.

And our final stop in the AL is the West, headed by last year’s AL West champion Mariners (93 wins projected). I thought the fairest question to ask was, Will Seattle win 100 games this year? Answer: What are you on? (and where can I get some?). Wow, 8 ball’s not a fan of the big repeat this year. I obviously don’t disagree, but that was pretty vehement. Given that, a fair question to ask about the A’s (91 wins) is the blunt one: Will the A's win the AL West? Answer: No! Which leads me to believe that the 8 ball believes that Seattle will still win the division.

The question on everyone’s lips in the AL is, of course, Did the Rangers (78 wins) waste all that money in the off-season? Answer: Yes Definitely. And we rest our case. The 8 ball is not impressed with a rotation of Dodger cast-offs and other has-beens. Finally, the AL is rounded out by the Angels (74 wins). Direct questioning seemed a bit harsh for the poor Angels, so I decided to go with the fluff question: Should Disney remake Angels in the Outfield again? Answer: You May Rely On It. It would appear that the 8 ball answered the question Will Disney remake Angels in the Outfield again? And of course they will if it’ll make them a buck.

So there you have it. Just a few minor disagreements between me and the 8 ball. And I guess the Yankees beating the Red Sox again is "minor". Everywhere except maybe New York and Boston.

about the author

Next up, Dave Paisley might be inclined to take a look at the analyst ball to see if it has some good advice for Jeff Kent (stay off the top of the truck, Jeff!). If you'd like him to take a shot at anlayzing your favorite baseball playing basket case, why not drop him a line at drdjp@strikethree.com ?