As Young As You Feel

Matt Bruce

Ramon Ortiz, future ace of the Anaheim Angels, mysteriously aged three years this past offseason. That means he's older than me after all, yet still younger than my roommate, Scott. I'm a month away from entering my supposed baseball prime. Scott...I probably shouldn't say, though he did celebrate a certain milestone a few months ago.

The two of us make a surprisingly good metric for a team's relative age. With that in mind, let's cut to the chase:

Anaheim: Troy Glaus is younger than I am. He's their best position player and also their youngest. Adam Kennedy, Jose Nieves, and Ben Molina are all barely younger than me; of the three, only Kennedy will have much impact. Baby pitchers include AAA closer Bart Miadich and sleeper prospect Matt Wise. By the Matt/Scott metric, Scott Schoeneweis and Jarrod Washburn join Ortiz in the middle category. Hitters in their hypothetical prime include Ben Molina, David Eckstein, Benji Gil, Scott Spiezio, Garrett Anderson, Jeff DaVanon, Darin Erstad, Brad Fullmer, and Shawn Wooten.

Wooten is the same age as Anderson and two years older than Erstad or Fullmer. Bet you don't know that, tempting though it is to confuse major-league service time with age. Erstad, Fullmer, and Eckstein are all -- like me -- about to enter their age-27 season.

Baltimore: Of 17 pitchers on their roster, ten are younger than me. Too bad Jason Johnson isn't one of them. The only three to fail the Scott test are Scott Erickson, Pat Hentgen, and Buddy Groom. Oddly enough, somewhere out there is an O's fan who thinks their season depends on that trio.

Eight Bird hitters are younger than me, of whom Tim Raines and Jerry Hairston are the most relevant (at least, the most pedigreed). Only Chris Richard is entering his prime.

Boston: Casey Fossum and Sun-Woo Kim are my juniors. Oh and Jeff Wallace, who apparently wins "situational lefty" by default. Pedro technically passes the Scott Test (by a month), though passing the hill is the least of his worries. I'm older than just four hitters, most notably Shea Hillenbrand, though even he is 26 already. Trot is sort of still at peak, turning 28 in April.

Chicago: Here are your Young Sox. If Reinsdorf wants to spend the money to keep them, here are your World Champions at least twice in the next dozen years. Ten younger than me, nearly all of whom are actually good. Everybody passes the Scott Test, Todd Ritchie on a two-month technicality. Some fine young hitters too: Paul Konerko (25) passes my test, Magglio Ordonez (28) doesn't.

Cleveland: Our first notable bifurcation, a staff with nobody between ages 28 and 30. Bartolo Colon and Jaret Wright are both still younger than me; one of them still can bring it. No established hitting stars are younger than me, only potential prospects. Namely, Milton Bradley and Alex Escobar and Russell Branyan and a catcher I'd never heard of. For you utility infielder fans, John MacDonald enters his prime.

Detroit: Hey Scott, you're six years younger than Steve Sparks. Otherwise more here to give the Tigers hope than to give you hope. As with Baltimore, the problem with this set of young arms is finding one that's any good. The core of the staff is older than me: Brian Mohler and Danny Patterson both 30, Jose Lima 29, Mark Redman 28. Actually Jeff Weaver (25) is pretty good. Eric Munson will be a star and Craig Monroe won't. Otherwise every young hitter catches. With a healthy Mitch Meluskey (28), they'd all be superfluous. Rob Fick can hit a little but is a month older than Trot and a year older than me.

Kansas City: Jeff Suppan is still two months older than I am; that actually makes me feel young. Mixed bag of arms here, though Rany has already told you about them. Of the seven baby-faced hitters, Carlos Beltran is the most promising and Neifi Perez the most surprising (I feel old again). Mark Quinn enters his prime.

Minnesota: A trio of reasonable arms at ages 22-23 but that's not where the Twins' upside lies. A half-dozen "outfielders" (ESPN lists Matt LeCroy and David Ortiz here, both as "DH") are all pretty good and all a year or two younger than me. Infielders Mike Cuddyer, Luis Rivas, and Cristian Guzman are all way younger than me. You'd think one of them should become a star, with the other two finding a level of decency. Back to pitchers: Rick Reed, Bob Wells, and Eddie Guardado all fail the Scott Test. Reed (36) is ancient. Brad Radke is older than me but Eric Milton and Joe Mays aren't.

New York: More Yankee pitchers than you think are younger than me. Nearly all of them tried and failed to land that fifth starter role last year. People say Randy Choate (26) is underrated; I'll trust them. Of the arms that matter right now, only Andy Pettitte (29) and Ramiro Mendoza (29) pass the Scott Test. The bad news at the plate is that nearly everyone who matters is on the wrong side of 30. Youngsters are few and overexposed (Alfonso Soriano, Nick Johnson). But Derek Jeter is 27. Turns 28 in June. Can he beat Jason Giambi (31) out for the MVP?

Oakland: You know about the rotation already; at least Billy Koch is older than me, barely. The hitters are young too. Relevant ones older than me are Jeremy Giambi (27), Frank Menechino (31), and David Justice (35). You could win some bar bets on Menechino's age relative to his teammates.

Seattle: Here's a really good rotation that 100% passes my test: Freddy Garcia (25), Joel Pineiro (23), Gil Meche (23), Wascar Serrano (23), Ryan Anderson (22). Put them with a good bullpen that almost entirely fails the Scott Test. Too bad I'd be the fourth-youngest hitter here, with Ben Davis the only kid of any consequence.

Tampa Bay: Eight green-horned pitchers range from Ryan Rupe (28) to Jesus Colome (21). Catcher Toby Hall (26) may be younger than me and may even be a prospect, yet he's older than Ben Grieve (25). Even Aubrey Huff is only five months younger than Grieve. This team won't contend any time soon.

Texas: Alex Rodriguez (still 26!) was the first player younger than me to reach the Show. Frank Catalanotto (27) enters his prime but every other useful hitter fails the Scott Test. The most interesting mound names all fit the intermediate category: Chan Ho Park (28), John Rocker (27), Ismael Valdes (28), Jeff Zimmerman (29). Even Todd Van Poppel (30) still passes the Scott Test by a good three months. What's interesting is that I thought all these guys were older.

Toronto: Jose Cruz and Shannon Stewart both enter their primes. Excluding catchers, the only hitter to fail the Scott Test is (not just of consequence; hitter, period) Raul Mondesi, by six months. Dan Plesac makes up for it at 40. Expect a future column on the Blue Jay rotation, once I know what to make of it. Chris Carpenter is barely younger than me and Brian Cooper (just as barely) isn't.

Maybe age isn't everything: Scott may be 3.5 years older than me but at least he left the house for the evening.

about the author

Matt Bruce is currently working on his "what I've done with my life" blurb for his 10-year high-school reunion next year. Suggest leaving out "writing about being older than A-Rod" at mb@strikethree.com.