Baseballhead:
Hi Ho Silver Lining

Michael Cox

Hel-looooo, and thank you for waiting up for this week's double-wide edition of Baseballhead. Sorry to be late, but I've been in hiding in a futile attempt to avoid the Harry Potter movie.

Unless you've been hiding from the media as well, you likely know by now that Bud Selig's threat (and it is still only a threat, intended as much to spur several cities/states to try and fund new ballparks as to remove ballclubs) to "contract" two teams has caused all hell to break loose.

First, the expected players' union legal action began, with the usual arbitrator set to hear the usual crap and then rule in the usual manner (for the players). Whether you love the union for getting the players their fair share, or hate them for coercing guys to "test" the free market when they'd rather just stay with their current teams, you can't argue that if they say something's in their contract, by and large it is.

Unless you're Bud Selig, that is. Our Commissioner, who is 0-for-history in his battles with the union, made good on his threat to cover his ears with his hands and repeat "la la la la, I can't hear you" when the players said he'd have to consult them on contraction. Prediction? After Shyam Das rules that the union's OK is necessary for contraction, the two sides will negotiate, and the players will get their wish: a "trial" of the DH in the National League.

Mind you, that's not a result Selig exactly hates. He's been trying to homogenize the two leagues since seizing power, and an NL DH would further his plan nicely. Now he'll get to blame it on the mean ol' players, deflecting any fan criticism...this time.

Meanwhile, in Minnesota a court of law has forbidden the Twins to escape their Metrodome lease, reasoning that a contract is a contract, even if it's not with the players' union. That battle isn't over, however, as Selig will go all the way to Judge Joe Brown if necessary. Expect Brown to give Selig the tongue-lashing of his life ("'Look in the mirror'? What the hell does that even mean??").

Also, fans turned out in droves to a "Support the Twins" rally at the Metrodome on Sunday. Booing Selig and chanting "Save Our Twins," the crowd nevertheless fell eerily silent when a speaker asked to hear a cheer from all who attended a game in 2000.

Finally, despite their urgent need to pass "airport safety" bills that do nothing but allow them to claim to have passed "airport safety" bills, Congress woke up like a sleeping giant, albeit prodded by their members from Minnesota and Florida. Unveiling the suitably pompously named Fairness in Antitrust in National Sports Act, the legislators would strip much of MLB's antitrust exemption, opening the doors for -- you guessed it -- more lawsuits.

But I hold out hope that it won't end there. Is it possible that Congress will realize that the one constant in every idiotic move MLB has made in the past 30 years is Bud Selig? Possibly. And if they can put two and two together, is it possible that as they did immediately following the Black Sox scandal, legislators might appoint a Commissioner actually entrusted to make decisions in the best interests of the game?

Ooo, d'ya think?

This is the single most effective move Congress could make -- in one fell swoop deposing Selig in a bloodless (who's that I hear saying "awwww"?) coup, and ensuring that MLB will be run for the good of the game, not solely for the increased appreciation of franchise value and maximized revenue.

Of course, there's a big stumbling block to this theory in the form of George W. Bush, who made part of his personal fortune off the appreciation of the franchise value of the Texas Rangers. Dubya is very tight with King Bud, and thus likely to veto any legislation that would strip his powers. However, it's likely that even Congressional Republicans may get swept up in the anti-Selig frenzy in sufficient numbers to override any veto.

If any good can come out of this whole contraction mess, I plead in the name of all that is holy, let it be this.

Sportswriters Is The Craziest Peoples: Last week MLB began handing out its postseason awards, and by and large each one has gone just as expected, for better (Randy Johnson's NL Cy Young) or worse (Clemens' AL CY, which should have gone to either teammate Mike Mussina, Seattle's Freddy Garcia, or Oakland's Mark Mulder).

The big fun during awards weeks, however, is reading the feeble justifications for the sillier votes. After all, someone who votes for Sammy Sosa over Barry Bonds has got to be using a butter knife on his chopping block in the first place, plus the guy is a sportswriter! It's a situation tailor-made for hilarity! Look for it next season on FOX!

Take, for instance, Chris Assenheimer (I'm not making fun of him yet, that's his actual name) of the Elyria, OH Chronicle-Telegram (what's Elyria doing with a voting BBWAA member anyway?). Assenheimer was the sole writer voting for Indians pitcher C.C. Sabathia over Ichiro Suzuki as the AL Rookie of the Year, and of course the world tuned in to Elyria the next day as Assenheimer explained himself:

When I cast my vote for American League Rookie of the Year back in September I had no idea how much furor it would eventually cause.

Meaning: "A bunch of other guys said they'd vote for Sabathia if I did, but it apparently turned out to be some kind of sportswriter hazing ritual."

As a member of the Baseball Writers Association of America, I was granted the privilege of voting for the league's top rookie player and I took that honor seriously.

Which apparently didn't include a thorough reading of the criteria that makes a rookie a rookie. Hey, a guy's got to have some leisure time!

Since Major League Baseball announced Monday afternoon that Suzuki won the award, I have been bombarded by calls from all over the nation - calls from USA Today, The Associated Press, The New York Times and the Fox television affiliate from Seattle. ESPN mentioned The Chronicle-Telegram, and my cell phone is still ringing as I write.

I understand "Ripley's Believe It or Not" also called.

As you can guess, most of the callers wanted to know the same thing: Why didn't I give my first-place vote to Ichiro?

Well, here's my explanation:

While I am aware that Suzuki is technically a rookie, he played professional baseball in Japan for nine seasons...The 21-year-old Sabathia, in my opinion, fit the criteria of what a rookie is in the truest sense of the word better than Suzuki did.

"These rules may be MLB's rules, but they are not my rules! I vote using God's law, not man's law!"

In hindsight, I probably erred in giving my second-place vote to Suzuki.

If my stance was that Suzuki should not be classified as a rookie, then I should have left him off my ballot entirely.

Acknowledgement that you have a problem is the first step to recovery.

But knowing that Suzuki - by Major League Baseball rules - was considered a rookie, I felt I would be remiss in failing to acknowledge him in some way.

Again with the "by Major League Baseball rules" -- exactly whose rules was he using?

Ironically enough, if I had voted for the league's Most Valuable Player award, I probably would have chosen Suzuki.

I see this as a cry for help -- "Please somebody stop me before I vote again!"

The thing is that it would have been sooo easy for Assenheimer to get out of this whole brouhaha by simply admitting that he thought Sabathia was better, or even by admitting he's a big-ass Indians homer who desperately wants fans to high-five him as he walks to the media entrance at Jacobs Field. Either way, it would have been a matter of opinion, however awful that opinion may have been.

But by actually making the case that the rules are a mere technicality, he ended up fanning the flames...which may have been what he wanted to do in the first place. Hey, how else does one get noticed in Elyria, OH?

Oop, running out of pixels again. Next week, events of the week notwithstanding, we'll pick apart the titans of journalism who voted against Barry Bonds and Randy Johnson.

about the author

Michael Cox is not a member of the Baseball Writers' Association of America, but he figures that if Melissa Gilbert can boss around all the actors, he should at least be able to mete out medieval punishments to bad sportswriters. Before you put that pillory up for sale on Ebay, contact Michael at mc@strikethree.com.