Baseballhead:
A Fine Pair

Michael Cox

Hello from the land of sky blue waters (wa-a-ters), from which we bring you another Baseballhead, the column refreshing. Geez, that doesn't look as good in print as it sounds, does it? Gotta excuse me, 'cause I haven't had a "Big Turk" candy bar in about 20 years, and I just consumed one rather quickly.

Well, the past week's seen enough comeback-from-big-deficit games to make Davey Lopes look like kind of a boob, huh?

To be fair (and to put this dead horse to rest before it's finally flogged into individual horse molecules), if I managed the Brewers, I'd get a bit upset with all the teams picking on me, too. Nevertheless, this week should have more than proven that these "unwritten rules" are unwritten because following them can make you look like a sap.

Moving on...

The past weekend featured a bona fide brawl for the first time this season (that I can remember). Said fracas featured the Tigers and Royals, two teams who also go by the nickname "the usual suspects." These teams are so spoiling for fisticuffs that they apparently need not rely upon inside pitches as a flashpoint, with KC's Mike "I [heart] Jerry Springer" Sweeney making the sixty-and-a-half-foot dash because Detroit starter Jeff Weaver wouldn't move the rosin bag.

After the conflagration, Sweeney told reporters, ``I've always been taught to respect the game" -- possibly the most incongruous words that could be spoken by someone who has just charged a guy half his size whose back was turned, used a helmet as a projectile, and later suckerpunched another opponent while a teammate held the man down.

The rosin bag -- the big ol' bone of contention, to hear Sweeney tell it -- was not in an illegal place, nor was it at the top of the mound. While Sweeney had the right to ask that the bag be moved down a touch, Weaver also had a right to tell Sweeney to pound sand, as long as the bag was behind the pitching rubber (according to the Rules Committee annotation to rule 8.02).

To blame it for the fight like it was some form of subterfuge borders on (yet isn't) humor. Each time Sweeney came to bat, he was having the bag moved and the ball checked, so one thinks he shouldn't cry to the media that Jeff Weaver is a skosh too Machiavellian. In fact, the second time Sweeney got all perturbed over the bag, it was still where it had been placed by Royals pitcher Paul Byrd the inning before.

There's a school of thought that Frank Robinson has become a bitter old man who was knocked down once too often as a player, and now uses his MLB post to exact revenge on pitchers. We'll see whether he has any backbone at all when he announces Sweeney's punishment.

On the other hand, it seems like these occasional dust-ups are the only reason anyone watches the Royals anymore.

Item: Ooo-wee! How 'bout them A's? This past weekend's sweep of the Yanks drove home the point that since June, Oakland has gone from Most Disappointing Team to Possibly The Best Team Ever To Have To Settle For Second Place. In fact, had the Athletics reversed their 8-18 start in April, they'd currently be within shouting distance of the Mariners. As it is, they'll have to use the direct-connect feature of their Nextel wireless phones.

Odd, however, is the fact that in this year of unbalanced schedules, the A's are the only team within six games of the Wild Card lead to have a losing record against their own division (due to the aforementioned 8-18 start). In fact, they now lead the AL Wild Card chase primarily on the backs of the hapless Central and East. As much as a team like the Twins don't deserve a playoff berth because they can't win outside the oafish and shiftless Central division, the A's will truly deserve the Card if they continue their equal-opportunity drubbings.

Pulling the camera back further, we see that save for Texas, every AL West team has at least a .592 record against each of the other two divisions. One last odd thing, though -- besides the M's, the only other team in the West to have a winning record against its own divisionmates? The lowly Rangers, albeit just barely (20-19).

Okay, one more -- the only team outside the West to have a winning record against it? The Tigers. This is hurting my head.

Item: How little respect does umpire Angel Hernandez get? So little that now he gets heckled over the ballpark PA by overweight has-been former football players.

That was the scene last week as former Bear (and more recently, WCW wrestler) Steve McMichael garnished his stint as Wrigley Field seventh-inning stretch singer not with Harry Caray's "let's get some runs," but with "I'll have a talk with that home plate umpire after the game." Hernandez had earlier blown a play at the plate, calling Cub Ron Coomer out.

Hernandez is fast becoming known (fairly or unfairly) as the worst ump in the majors, primarily for his Eric Gregg-like strike zone judgment. (While a strike zone might be an apt tribute to Gregg, it might be better in the long run to go with the traditional initials on the back of the shoes.) He's also fast becoming known for his lack of humor, including his reaction to the whole McMichael mess, which was to stand and glare like a high-school bully who's staring down the nerdy kid he's threatened to beat up after class.

Despite McMichael's apparent inebriation (at least let's hope he's not always like that), Hernandez' attitude wasn't lost on him, and he soon proffered a challenge to the ump to slip on the gloves and explore the sweet science (please, no e-mails on the fact that boxing is neither sweet nor a science). No word yet from either Hernandez or Don King.

You know, back in the old days, a guy would just wait for the ump after a game. If you blew a call, you got punched in the nose, and you could tell the really bad umps because they had noses like Rocky Marciano. That's the way it was, and you liked it.

From the Idiotic Ways to Fire Players Up Desk: It seems that the entire Phillies front office wants to get into the act of dissing Scott Rolen, with the latest remarks coming from team advisor Dallas Green:

"Scotty is satisfied with being a so-so player and he's not a great player. In his mind, he probably thinks he's doing OK, but the fans in Philadelphia know otherwise.''

Yep, you read it right -- Rolen is now being criticized in the media by someone who doesn't even have a real title. And basically, Green is suggesting that if the Philly fans get on Rolen's case, he might improve (and we all know how capable of getting on a player's case Philly fans are).

But why is Green bringing this up now? Sure, Rolen had a really rough start this year, but over the past month he's getting on base at a .413 clip and slugging .583 -- better than his career numbers. To "improve," Rolen will have to play better than he's ever played in his life. So, to sum up, Rolen is being trashed in the media by a jackass from his own team for "underachieving," precisely at a time when he's been doing some of the best hitting of his career.

Now that we've ascertained that Dallas Green may not actually be following his own team, let him continue to gnaw leather...

"[Scott] makes himself look silly at times with some of the stuff he says. I think he can be greater, but his personality won't let him."

Remember the context in which I used the word "boob" at the top of this column?

It works for Green, too.

about the author

When Michael Cox heckles Lou Piniella, some wise acre in the crowd asks, "If you're so damn good, why aren't you managing a Major League team?" Michael then replies, "My parents didn't force me to play Little League." Thank heaven for small favors at mc@strikethree.com.