Baseballhead:
The Week in Crying

Michael Cox

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When film character Jimmy Dugan said, "There's no crying in baseball," he was lying. Flat out fibbing. There's been a lot of crying in baseball. Lou Gehrig cried on his tribute day. Mike Schmidt cried when he retired. Lots of players cried when they retired. Bud Selig has been crying for years, and even when not crying, looks like he's about to.

About the only guys who never cried were Ty Cobb and John Kruk. Cobb because he was a cantankerous coot; Kruk because he was too busy thinking about grabbing a beer.

Well, a ton of tears were shed in MLB this past week -- tears of joy, tears of anger, and the ever-popular crocodile tears of well-coiffed ex-utility-infielders now providing commentary for our nation's sports "magazine" programs. Let's run 'em down in a Baseballhead stylee...

Item: Baseball has a hold on some athletes like no other sport. It drove Michael Jordan to retire early from basketball (later un-retiring when he realized he'd never get out of AA ball), and this week it caused Deion Sanders to break down and weep. No, it wasn't because he discovered just how big the paychecks are in AAA.

It was after he got a standing ovation for homering in his second at-bat of his first big-league start as a Red, replacing the tender-tendoned Ken Griffey Jr. "My wife and I talked about that once we got home...'baby, I was sobbing in the outfield, I really was,'" Sanders told the gathered media the next day. "I just felt for a moment I was appreciated, for the first time in my whole career."

Note to Deion: be thankful you don't play in Philly, where the love affair would have ended when your second start was an 0-fer.

Item: This week's Chad Curtis Intolerance Award goes to Cubs reliever Julian Tavarez, who made the wise decision to call San Franciscans "faggots" after the traditionally rowdy Giants fans heckled him and allegedly threw eggs toward the bullpen during the Cubs/Giants series this weekend. Tavarez later apologized profusely, to which commissioner Bud Selig took the opportunity to remind everyone that the gay fan base is worth 10% of MLB's revenues.

Rather than expressing surprise that the same folks who once stabbed their own team mascot hadn't taken umbrage sooner, Tavarez played the "modern fans are going crazy" card. "We're not mean to the fans. I always sign autographs,'' Tavarez said. "Now they have the right to throw eggs in the bullpen? That's not right.''

A more ironic turn of events could not be imagined, as at that very moment the Chicago media were marking the anniversary of Lee Elia's 1983 tirade, in which the then-Cub manager said the Wrigley Field fans could "kiss my ass on Michigan Avenue." Reason for the profanity-laced filibuster? Two of his players had been beaned by thrown objects at their home ballpark.

Item: The "fans gone crazy" theme continued as the Yankees visited the Metrodome, and the newfound fair-weather Twins fans decided they hadn't yet properly repaid Chuck Knoblauch for demanding his trade from Minnesota. Playing in left field for the first time in Minneapolis, Knoblauch was pelted with debris such as plastic beer bottles and quarters...exactly the same things New Yorkers toss at visiting outfielders (minus the open penknives).

Of course, the Yankees left the field until the hostile crowd settled down. If that occurred every time there was a problem in the Bronx, the Yanks would never finish a regulation game.

Apparently the Twins' winning streak has drawn a number of younger fans, many of whom engaged in a food fight on Dollar Hot Dog Night. Hearing of that, we here at Strikethree.com have made a standing offer to sponsor as many Food Fight Nights as the Twins would like to host, but they haven't returned our calls.

Item: With GM Kevin Malone finally getting his walking papers from the Dodgers, the only question remaining is what took them so long?

Well, it seems the last straw wasn't one of his often-befuddling player moves , but rather like his healthy distaste for the opposition's fans. Malone denies saying anything remotely resembling a challenge to a fan at Qualcomm Stadium, and claims the man he allegedly challenged was "loud during introductions, belligerent, obnoxious, rude, all over our team, our players, yelling all sorts of stuff."

Funny, but the fan -- a former sportswriter who is now a civic official, and a Padres season ticket holder -- doesn't remember it that way. "It's unfortunate that Mr. Malone has lost his job. His recollection of the events of that night don't square with reality. I certainly wasn't belligerent during introductions, because we got there just before the first pitch...It's a little disingenuous for Mr. Malone to be making these claims at this point, to say the least."

Remember too that Malone was one of the first out onto the field to get his players' backs when they attacked Cub fans last season. I understand they're hiring down at the Taco Bell in Ventura...

Item: After dropping two of three to the Mariners, Carl Everett wasted no time in lobbing his first public gripe of the season, blaming the losses on manager Jimy Williams for juggling the lineup. With the Sox merely in a tie for first place, let the recriminations begin:

"No one knows who is going to play,'' Everett told reporters. "You come to the ballpark and you don't know who's in the lineup. It's tough to play that way. It is tough for a guy not knowing who's in the lineup. Hitting is very mental."

Well, sometimes its the hitter who's very mental.

I must say.

about the author

Michael Cox refuses to weep openly, and it's a dirty lie that he once got misty-eyed while listening to a Sinatra torch song. Explain that those damn manipulative Jimmy Webb songs would make a longshoreman cry at mc@strikethree.com.