Assume the Position

Dave Paisley

Is it just me, or does this seem like the longest winter break ever? Three months without live baseball is a long time, but fear not, January is just about over and pitchers, catchers and rehab victims will be reporting to spring training soon.

Despite the signings of Alex Rodriguez, manny Ramirez, Mike Hampton and Mike Mussina (and how long ago do they seem now?) there hasn't been much in the way of real activity. Unless you count the police blotter, in which case some major leaguers have been very active. We've had Darryl Strawberry violating parole and a bevy of domestic violence cases come to some sort of resolution.

In particular, the Armando Benitez case is a curious one. Two delayed charges filed by Benitez' former girlfriend, one in New York and one in Baltimore, leave us wondering whether that he reserves that smoldering temperament just for the field. Probably not, although the Baltimore charge was dismissed for insufficient evidence and the New York investigation now seems uncertain.

But beating girlfriends up and violating parole isn't the only kind of criminal activity baseball people have been up to of late. One of the more bizarre cases of birthdate fraud just came to light this week when it was discovered by Major League Baseball that two players from the Dominican Republic were using the same false birth certificates. In an unusual false ID twist, both platyers were trying to pass themselves off as younger than they are. The Braves had signed Junior Alexander Felix Medina, a 23-year-old right-hander to a minor league contract thinking he was a 16 year old named Wellington De Paula.

Unfortunately for them and Medina, the Rockies had signed 19-year-old left-hander Jose Ramon Canela Marte to a miliar deal. Marte apparently shops at the same fake ID store as Medina and the eagle-eyed staff at MLB HQ (and how rare is it to hear that?) spotted the amazing similarity and pulled the plug on the deals. "The use of identical birth certificates obviously was a tip-off," said Rockies spokesman and master of the obvious, Jay Alves.

Neither player can sign with any club until July 1 now, but neither of them will be quite as attractive now their true ages are known.

But it's not as if the criminal ledger is limited to substance abuse, domestic violence and fraud. We have the curious case of San Diego Councilwoman Valerie Stallings, who finally plead guilty to two misdemeanor charges and resigned from office over activities and allegations relating to the city of San Diego's plans to build a new stadium for the Padres.

Stallings had become chummy with Padres owner John Moores and apparently benefited from gifts and timely stock tips. After almost a year of investigation she finally plead guilty to failing to report unspecified gifts from Moores and failure to disqualify herself from votes related to the Padres new ballpark.

"It is my fervent wish to conclude this matter for all of us," said Stallings in a prepared statement. "I believe this decision will allow all of us to move forward. I deeply regret the impact that this investigation has had on the city, my family, friends and staff."

Loosely translated: "Damn it, I got caught with my hand in the cookie jar. A cookie jar that the taxpayers were going to build with their money. If it wasn't for you meddling kids..."

Meanwhile, Moores attempted to convince the public that Stallings was merely a victim of circumstance. He claimed that the investigation had shown allegations of insider trading, bribery and corruption to be false.

"I should have realized that in today's political climate, gestures of simple human kindness could be misconstrued as something sinister," he said.

Is he really that stupid and naïve to think that he can swan around getting chummy with public officials, giving them gifts and stock tips and then not expecting it to be construed as an attempt to manipulate the system?

Sheesh, at least Darryl Strawberry's failings are only of the human kind, rather than reptilian.

So there you have it - the trials and tribulations of baseball's dark underbelly. Let's just hope we can keep it clean during the coming season.

about the author

"Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you?"... If you hear the sirens heading to Dave Paisley's house, why not tip him off at drdjp@strikethree.com.