Baseballhead:
Amusement Park

Michael Cox

With a newfound health that owes much to the inventors of codeine, it's Baseballhead, where we thank you for the get-well notes you've sent over the past week. To the guy who sent the don't-get-well note, tough nuts.

This is the kind of offseason that makes a guy want to go to Mazatlan instead of writing about baseball -- things have been sooo boring that the big buzz has been:

• A-Rod tells the Mariners to move in their fences;
• There may be a strike in 2002;
• Denny Neagle signs with the Rockies;
• Turk Wendell is a nutty guy.

This is where the utter lack of personality among baseball pundits makes all the difference. Scrambling hardest to spin this straw into gold was ESPN, where Peter Gammons continued to run random quotes from anonymous "baseball insiders" which would lead you to believe that in the experts' educated opinion, pretty much anybody might sign A-Rod.

The media coverage of Young Alex' Safeco Field admonitons was suitably bereft of much context: Asking the M's to move the center field fence in 5-10 feet, Rodriguez apparently didn't know that Major League Baseball doesn't like CF measurements under 400 feet. The Safe is currently only 405 feet to center -- 16 other parks are as deep or deeper. The wire stories didn't mention that ("Research? Screw research, we've got quotes!").

And moving the foul line dimensions 10-12 feet? That would put the Safeco Field foul lines at 321 and 316 feet, making them shorter than all but Tropicana Field, Yankee Stadium and Fenway Park.

While it's true that the M's new field is definitely a pitcher's park, it's pretty clear that A-Rod wants to go all the way and just bring the Kingdome back. Someone might mention that one reason for the home run draught might be the difference between Griffey and a full season of Jay Buhner in the '90s, and Mike Cameron and David Bell in 2000, but no. Still, things just get wackier and wackier:

"If you hit it 430 feet, it should be a home run, not an out like it is now."

Would those be imperial feet, perhaps? The Safe's largest dimension is the aforementioned 405, so those opposing outfielders must be pretty acrobatic. But then again, Rodriguez thinks the Dodgers were right to assault random Cub fans, and believes "Who Let the Dogs Out" is a good song.

Gammons subsequently quoted a Major League general manager as saying "If the Dodgers want to play, they may get [Rodriguez]." Yeah, but only if they make Dodger Stadium a hitter's park.

And if anyone's counting, although agent Scott Boras loudly proclaims that more than eight teams are interested in his client, Alex has visited or talked seriously to exactly three: the Mets, Rangers and Rockies. He'll meet with the Mariners this week. That's four, and the Mets say they aren't going to make an offer.

What if they auctioned a superstar free agent and nobody came?

Item: This weekend Neagle became the latest pitcher to think he'll defy Coors Field. Avoiding advice from Daryl Kile ("Run, Denny! Run faaaar away!"), an already tarnished Neagle will likely finish his career in Denver. Because he's entering the twilight years of his career, he likely just doesn't care if his stats are dragged around the parking lot by the mile-high air -- he won't be a free agent again.

By the way, the rumor is that Neagle turned down the Dodgers, who were prepared to pay more than the Rockies, and who play in one of baseball's more pitcher-friendly parks. What is it going to take for Fox to fire GM Kevin Malone -- drunken crank calls to Rupert Murdoch?

Item: Yes, I know Turk Wendell is crazy. Hey, I remember when he was a starter in the minors, made the center fielder wave to him before each inning, and asked the umpires to roll new balls to him instead of throwing them.

Yes, he likes numbers with lots of nines. His new $9,399,999.99 contract is just the latest such deal for him. Unfortunately, he didn't get his wish of playing the last year for free -- I wonder how many prospects the Twins would be willing to give up for that one season of Wendell?

However, while Wendell may be crazy, he isn't stupid -- he turned down a more lucrative deal from the Orioles. Subsequently O's owner Peter Angelos has had to tell fans and media, "I am not an idiot." Of course, many would suggest that's untrue -- Angelos touts his club's farm system, but in reality that cupboard is bare, and his many deals and un-deals (Aaron Sele, anyone?) would lead one to suspect he neither knows what he's doing nor learns from his mistakes.

The thing is, he couldn't even make an original statement. Smart folks will recognize that as the catchphrase of Giants GM Brian Sabean, who has actually been relatively un-idiotic since saying it.

That's about it -- just took another shot of codeine, so I should go before I start thinking I'm Hunter S. Thompson.

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