Good News/Bad News

Dave Paisley

Well, the playoffs are progressing, although not as nicely as I'd hoped. All the hype in the news media is about the "subway series," and so far, of the nine games played six have ended in favor of an all-NYC matchup. Bob Costas, the guy who loves baseball much more than you or me, is no doubt wetting his pants at the prospect of an all-Gotham World Series, and the general assumption seems to be that it will be good for TV ratings.

But will it? I suspect that the rest of the nation will see it as just a notch more exciting than Hillary Clinton battling Rick Lazio for the New York Senate seat, and a smidge below watching paint dry. Of course, watching Joe "Stoneface" Torre and Bobby "Cheap Disguise" Valentine duke it out from opposing dugouts would be fun in a way.

I make no bones about the fact that I'm a diehard Mariner fan and have adopted the Cards in the NL this year (in part because I have a whole bunch of transplanted Missouran friends.) Besides, a Mariners-Cards World Series would be the ultimate matchup for the aerospace industry, with the military airplane division of Boeing located in St. Louis, and its commercial airplane empire headquartered in Seattle.

Things are looking grim for the Boeing series, but despite the fact that both the Cards and Mariners face elimination with one more loss, that "subway series" isn't in the bag yet. As I've watched the playoffs unfold, especially the live ALCS games here in Seattle, it seems that every morsel of good news comes wrapped up with some corresponding bad news, and vice versa.

Good News: The Mariners are in the playoffs, allowing us to see playoff baseball in person.

Bad News: Seattle's bandwagon fans who have no clue how to behave at a baseball game.

Other Bad News: Interminable TV delays between half-innings. This one isn't really obvious until you're at a game and they run out of the usual between-innings schtick. It gets obvious really fast that nobody has a clue how to fill in that extra couple of minutes of dead time. Watching at home, the extra time isn't so obvious because it's just more time to go get that beer or cook that pizza. That extra one to two minutes at a time adds up to over thirty minutes a game.

Other good news/bad news combos:

Bad News: Bob Costas, Tim McCarver and Bob Brenly calling playoff games on TV.

Good News: Local radio.

Other Good News: Joe Buck and Joe Morgan, who both seem to recognize that there's a non-New York team on the field that's worth more than a passing mention.

Bad News: The Mariners are down 3-2 in the ALCS, with two wins required in Yankee Stadium to advance.

Good News: The M's won three straight in New York in August, so it can be done.

Bad News: I watched the Mariners get shut out on a one-hitter in Game 4.

Good News: I got to see Roger Clemens pitch a classic postseason game in person (OK, there's only small comfort in this one).

Bad News: Mark McGwire didn't get to pinch hit for the Cards in Game 4.

Good News: Fewer souvenir baseballs for Mets fans.

Bad News: A New York subway series is a real possibility.

Good News: If it happens, maybe they'll make both teams actually ride the subway to games. With any luck, there won't be enough surviving team members to win again next year.

Bad News: Rick Ankiel can't find the strike zone, the plate or his catcher's glove.

Good News: Less wear and tear on the backstop at Shea Stadium as Ankiel is pulled from Game 3 of the NLCS.

Bad News: "Unleash the Mojo" dishrags handed out at Safeco Field for Game 4, whereupon "fans" wave them during play, blocking views of the plate and face-whipping adjacent fans

Good News: I can cancel that facial at Gene Juarez this week.

Bad News: I watched a female fan in front of me demolish a whole box of Cracker Jack by inserting her face into the box, tipping it upside down and apparently gargling the contents.

Good News: That unattractive sight should make sure this one never gets to mate and reproduce.

Good News: Alex Rodriguez, Edgar Martinez and John Olerud finally got back-to-back-to-back hits, driving in five runs in Game 5 of the ALCS.

Bad News: It didn't happen sooner and more often.

And finally:

Bad News: A subway series means a New York team wins the World Series.

Good News: At least one New York team would lose.

about the author

Dave Paisley has decided that if Bob Costas and Tim McCarver can shed all neutrality, so can he. However, let him down gently when you tell him it'll take more than a few Starbucks references to wrangle a lifetime supply of dry cappuchinos at drdjp@strikethree.com.