Baseballhead:
Wire Walk with Me

Michael Cox

Yeah, it's Baseballhead again, and whereas our disdain for Big Brother is by now well-known (unlike our disdain for Survivor), we've had a mild change of heart for two reasons:

• Just the thought that the "cast" might have walked out last week was cool. Unfortunately, the producers reminded them all that if there's no show, there's no post-show TV appearances.
  
  
• The fun that's ensuing now that the 'net has determined a conspiracy on the part of George, who apparently is running an enormous secret phone bank in Area 51 to get others voted out of the house. Of course, this has resulted in a few geeks attempting to stoke anti-George sentiment by any means necessary, with a fervor shown only by those with way too much time on their hands (see also: US senators' wives). Unfortunately, George is both the most realistic and most entertaining person in the house.

That's not to say we're actually watching the TV show. We've just decided it's the producers that blow.

Anyway, as this is the second-to-last edition of the 'Head (no Al Snow jokes, please) before the playoffs, it's time to look at our cast of characters and run down the remaining races (which for some strange reason we still call "pennant races" despite the fact that winning one doesn't get you anywhere near the pennant).

NL East

Looking like a Braves runaway prior to the Mets' incredible recent few weeks, this close race may be decided by tomorrow, when the two teams' series at Turner Field concludes. But honestly, who cares? The Bravos have been the baseball equivalent of the Buffalo Bills -- except Atlanta has been worse. Let's not even get started with the Mets, who would likely be drawing 10,000 a game if they were playing in Kansas City rather than Queens.

As of tonight, it looks like the Braves will have the division once again, once again leaving the Mets as wild card back-door men.

NL Central

This one hasn't been in question since June. After the still-lingering shock that the Astros have been as bad as they've been, the biggest surprise is that now they're in third place. I knew the Central would be bad this year, but I never would have expected the depth of suckitude displayed by everyone but St. Louis. The Reds have been the only team to perform as expected -- by me, that is, and not the mainstream media, who felt Ken Griffey would more than compensate for the gutting of a pitching staff, despite documentary evidence to the contrary in Seattle.

The Cards could be the first team in baseball to 90 wins (provided the Giants don't win tonight), which is an amazing turnaround. If there was an award for Comeback Team, the Redbirds would take it hands down. Mind you, the unbalanced schedule is partly responsible, allowing the Cards to regularly pound on their inferior division mates (a .641 pummeling percentage in their own division). And all this with only sporadic appearances by Mark McGwire!

NL West

And how 'bout them Giants! With the division almost conceded to the Diamondbacks in May, the boys from SF have been the very model of a modern major-gen-- er, consistency. Of course, the Snakes suffered from a return to Earth by their hitters, which most smart people had been expecting long before now. The Dodgers, on the other hand, suffered from simply being the Dodgers. You can finally expect some housecleaning in the front office (but of course, I said that last year).

For the wild card, the D-Backs have about the same chance of catching the Mets as the Mets do of catching Atlanta, which is to say that anything can happen but probably won't.

AL East

Excuse me if I stifle a yawn. Is this what the '30s and '50s were like? Depression, Cold War and Yankee dominance. What a great tradition! Forget the CNBC analysts -- another Yankee win in the Series is your best indicator that the stock market is toast.

The bulk of the division (and by "bulk," of course I mean the teams that feature Rod Beck and David Wells) have abandoned all hope of a division title in favor of the wild card race, while the Orioles and Devil Rays have simply abandoned all hope.

AL Central

Flash: the Indians have started playing like the Indians again. It only took one series of head games against the mentally-challenged Lou Piniella to get the Tribe's groove back, and they moved from another AL Central also-ran to the leader in the wild card chase. Still, the White Sox ought to cruise to their first division title since 1993, and this time Jack McDowell isn't around to cave in the playoffs.

The rest of the division has lived down to expectations. I've noticed that no one brings up the Royals' spectacular April -- likely because it would remind people of the Peter Gammons pronouncement that speed and defense really do win games. That April also serves to make the Royals' subsequent four-plus months look just that much more feeble.

AL West

How many times does a team not only survive a collapse of near-historic proportion and regain first place, but never lose the lead at any point? That's what the Mariners did in August, with a lot of help from the similarly swooning Athletics. Think of how frustrated the A's must be that they not only couldn't pass the M's in early September, but now that they're surging, Seattle is too. Now the East Bay knows how the Mets feel.

However, the A's remain only a half-game out of the wild card, so also like the Mets, there may be a consolation prize for Oakland. If only they didn't have fewer viewers than even Big Brother...

about the author

Michael Cox has been working on television program for some time now, one that combines all the wonder of baseball with the hip little nuances of "reality" programming. Suggest that simply filming what goes on in the bullpen during a game and calling it Big Bullpen Survivor might not cut it with CBS at mc@strikethree.com.