Baseballhead:
Baseball Blissout

Michael Cox

Welcome to the back-to-school edition of Baseballhead, where we're matriculated in mirth!

On Labor Day, so many people are so frantic to make one desperate attempt to keep the summer alive that I normally spend the entire weekend trying to keep off the roads. In addition, Labor Day is traditionally the day when various cable networks feature programming marathons: The best of the classics on AMC, Married with Children on FX, and most importantly, baseball from morning to night on ESPN.

Yesterday was no exception. As I spent the day working on site improvements (they're coming, dammit), the office TV was in my control. The only question was: ESPN or AMC? Here are the decisions I made.

11 am (okay, so I had a late night)
Mets at Reds (ESPN)
Athletics at Blue Jays (ESPN2)
Mariners at Red Sox (local)
Force 10 from Navarone (AMC)

With that much baseball at one time, there was no way I was going to be able to watch Harrison Ford for more than five minutes at a stretch. Besides, the AL's two top Cy Young contenders were pitching simultaneously.

At least David Wells was a contender before he started. Even if the umpiring hadn't been so bad that Wells begged the crew chief to talk to plate umpire Mark Wegner, he would have lost the game when his team couldn't muster a single run against Barry Zito. I agree about the umpiring, however. Ball/strike calls have continued to get worse and worse, a deterioration perhaps meant to convince owners that the banished Eric Gregg wasn't so bad after all.

Meanwhile, on Carlton Fisk Day Pedro Martinez was mowing down Mariners, which hasn't been hard to do lately. Even as the M's pitching has come around, their bats have remained quiet as the Big Brother house ("watch the conflict begin as the houseguests select chairs for dinner!").

Jamie Moyer, who is slowly coming out of his car-wreck of an August, got some bad luck in the form of Mike Cameron's Pete Incaviglia-like slip in the sloppy Fenway outfield. Otherwise, the game might have been decided by the bullpens -- and no Red Sox fan wants that to happen.

Oh yeah, Griffey and Piazza hit homers in the other game, but I didn't see either.

1 pm
Phillies at Giants (ESPN)
The Cowboys (AMC)

There wasn't much contest with this selection: I hadn't seen a TV game from Pac Bell Park all year, and I'm just not a John Wayne fan. The latter, of course, may be a form of subconscious rebellion towards my father, who can't get enough of Rio Lobo, or it may just be good taste.

I wasn't disappointed, either by PBP, which looks as beautiful on the tube as it has been described, or by the game. Keeping with the day's theme of "all-time greats hitting homers," Barry Bonds launched two solo shots to contribute to the 3-0 Giant win. Thus the Vertically Enhanced Guys maintain their NL West lead.

The sight of palm trees in Pac Bell's back forty reminded me of a question I've always had: driving south on I-5 from Seattle, there isn't a palm in sight throughout Washington or Oregon. However, the second you hit the fruit-and-vegetable check at the California state line, palm trees start sprouting up? In any case, Oakland's Coliseum remains as the only California ballpark without the tropical tree (and somehow, that really makes sense).

Memo to Jon Miller: stop letting the grandkids pick out your ties.

4:30 pm
Monday Night Countdown (ESPN)
Three Stooges (AMC)

No contest -- although both football and the Stooges appeal to the exact same audience, even watching Troy Aikman get a concussion isn't as funny as Larry, Moe and Curly.

Fortunately, this baseball-free spell didn't last long.

6:00 pm
Yankees at Royals (ESPN)
Pirates at Dodgers (ESPN2)
Vertigo/The Getaway (AMC)

This choice was very hard. I've seen Vertigo a few times, the Yankees way too much, and Davey Johnson enough to swallow my tongue from boredom. However, I forged ahead knowing I'd be using the remote frequently.

The Yankees have been hit hard recently, both by opponents and by their own owner, who apparently isn't happy with his team being merely in first place. Messing with the roster and suggesting hurt players aren't hurt is one thing, but telling Jeff Nelson to stop bitching had to be scripted by the Farrelly brothers. The only thing missing is Peter Angelos as his sarcastic nemesis.

The Yanks barely held off the Royals, who on Saturday celebrated winning more games than they did last year. What they didn't mention is that if they hadn't been possessed by aliens in April, they'd be plowing the same field of suck that they tilled in '99. Nevertheless, K.C. put up a valiant fight Monday, with only a couple of bounces preserving the Yankee win.

Both games actually pulled me away from Jimmy Stewart for stretches, especially Jason Kendall's early pair of great plays behind the plate -- throwing out Adrian Beltre at third despite badly bobbling the ball, then tagging out Todd Hundley at the plate to assist in what became a runaway Pirate victory. By the time Steve McQueen hallucinated himself and Ali McGraw frolicking in the water, the game was a foregone conclusion, and Chavez Ravine was even emptier than it was when the game started.

I now believe the Dodger players are losing on purpose in hopes that Davey Johnson is sent packing. The father of modern baseball "gamesmanship," Johnson has engendered an epidemic of pitchers who "may not make their next start" before throwing near-no-nos, "emergency" field repairs, and ten-minute walks to the mound.

I only have to watch Davey Johnson argue clear-cut plays and pretend his pitchers are hurt once a month or so. Fans and Dodger players have to put up with it every day, and I for one am happy that "but he wins everywhere he goes" can no longer be used in Johnson's defense.

You know, Larry Dierker may be jonesing for a team in a pitcher's park about now...

Statheads and Davey Johnson fans alike (though there is some overlap) are now plotting the overthrow of Michael Cox as the official Baseballhead of Strikethree.com. No matter how you feel about Johnson, drop a line to mc@strikethree.com in support of Michael over Peter Gammons or Jayson Stark.

Web Strikethree.com