Boston Baked Brains

Matt Bruce

Okay, this week's column was supposed to be about strapping young closers. Really. But then rookie Ryan Kohlmaier had his first bad outing, eight saves into his major league career. Shigetoshi Hasegawa's outstanding pitching could not keep Troy Percival on the disabled list. Even Curtis Leskanic -- well, the Bullpen Mechanic is still pitching as well for Milwaukee as he ever did as an underrated Rockie, but he's still no spring chicken.

Speaking of poultry a bit too close to the slaughter, the real reason I ditched the ode to relief pitchers was to relay some perplexity and vent some frustration. The success of the Yankees' mid-season pickups has been well chronicled. In Boston, by contrast, we learned this week about the slippery slope that begins with Ed Sprague but winds down to Dante Bichette and Midre Cummings.

Is Dan Duquette toying with us? After years of finding diamonds in the rough, one doesn't just start pulling fecal matter out of jewel boxes by accident. This year's Red Sox pickups have been exactly those players that a last-place fantasy league owner would grab because he'd heard of them.

Let's take a quick peek at the Major League Baseball web site, and pause to stifle a giggle as the official establishment mouthpiece takes us "Behind the Numbers: Are you down with OPS?" Oh, wait, one more giggle pause: through the magic of an HTML link, MLB is offering us a "FREE Weekly Fantasy"! I'm thinking of that brunette from American Beauty, if she can get me some wins without hurting my WHIP. Imagine a warm, breezy September afternoon --

Huh? What? Oh yeah, so the Red Sox brought these players in. In August, they snagged Dante Bichette, Midre Cummings and Rico Brogna. July brought the return of Lou Merloni, along with Mike Lansing, Rolando Arrojo and Bernard Gilkey. And on June 30, lest we forget, the World Series Hero himself crossed over from San Diego.

In fairness to Duquette, most of these guys came over for little more than bloated contracts. Given the injury problems of former first-rounder John Curtice, trading him for Bichette isn't exactly giving up Jon Garland for Matt Karchner. Losing Brian Rose and John Wasdin seems like a steep price for Arrojo and the right to pay Lansing a bunch of money, but at least the taxpayers of Massachusetts will know they're supporting a good cause when they fork up new stadium money.

Hmm, maybe that's it. The Indians of the early 1990s and the Giants of the past year or so have signed their best young players to long-term deals, helping to ensure future success. The rest of the league sees their success and emulates them -- by assuming that a new stadium is the secret elixir. Ballpark fever grips the Pirates, and a delirious Cam Bonifay builds his championship contender around Mike Benjamin. Could the same plague explain picking up the producers of these numbers?

RED SOX MIDSEASON PICKUPS (stats since acquisition)
Player	At-Bats	Runs	RBI	OBP	SLG	OPS
Merloni	57	4	9	.344	.421	.765
Gilkey	76	10	9	.337	.382	.719
Brogna	26	6	6	.276	.346	.622
Sprague	111	11	9	.293	.306	.599
Lansing	97	9	10	.257	.227	.484

Strangely enough, Nomar's caddy boy has been the best Red Sox hope of the bunch, producing what amount to league-average numbers for a third baseman. Meanwhile, Duquette does get some credit for telling Ed Sprague to go away, though I do have to wonder: How does he get away with inflicting nearly 100 outs on the Sox lineup, when Sean Berry gets heaved after one 0-for-4?

Since Arrojo is Boston's only major pitching acquisition this season, we'll compare him to a different kind of import:

Player	Games	Innings	Hits	Runs	BB	SO	ERA	WHIP
Ohka	7	36	38	12	11	23	3	1.36
Arrojo	6	36.1	27	20	14	18	4.71	1.13

Eight pitchers have started three or more games for the Red Sox in 2000. Of those eight, only one has done better than this pair (three guesses who). The rest reside well above 5.00 territory, demonstrating why Fenway faithful must survive on prayer more than half the time.

One area the Duke hasn't touched is the bullpen, save for casting off John Wasdin. Ignoring that addition by subtraction, the Red Sox have six relievers with more than 13 innings pitched, of whom only Bryce Florie has an ERA worse than Arrojo (4.72 to 4.71). Southpaw Rheal Cormier stands at 4.02, better than league average but nearly a full run above the troika of Derek Lowe, Rich Garces and Hippolito Pichardo.

A surprising leader on Boston's pitching charts is last year's biggest bust acquisition (not to mention the one with the biggest bust). You may not have realized that Rod Beck has yielded just 14 hits and seven walks in 24 innings this year, with 21 strikeouts and a sparkling 1.50 ERA. Should Boston somehow make it to the postseason, he can avenge last year's ALCS ignominy.

Beck's example also provides hope that Boston's stiffs of 2000 could be the comeback stars of 2001. Then again, who are we kidding? The Shooter is 32, despite looking about 50. Mike Lansing is also 32, but had back surgery last year and a terrible season both after June and outside Coors. Brogna is 30 and at his peak; Gilkey will turn 34 next month.

Dante Bichette turns 37 in November. While .295/.353/.466 is better than I would have assumed, it is unacceptable for an outfielder and feeble for a DH. His numbers are also heavily tilted by a hot June, when he hit seven home runs and posted a 1.054 OPS. Cummings, who left Minnesota at .276/.328/.398 in limited playing time, turns 29 in October.

Since both Bichette and Cummings are eligible for Boston's postseason roster, diehard fans might hope that Cummings regains his heroic April 1998 form. The first Red Sox wild card season featured a hot start, with several wins in the last at-bat fueled by Cummings and Jim Leyritz. Yes, The King played home games at Fenway until he whined so much about playing time that Duquette exiled him to San Diego. I'd like to think that the Ed Sprague signing was a form of payback.

Unfortunately, I suspect that Bichette and Cummings face the same fate as Leyritz and Sprague this October, maybe hunting a little but watching the playoffs on TV if at all. Maybe Morgan Burkhart and his .446 on-base percentage could have been key to a September surge. Now we'll never know.

about the author

Matt Bruce will support a new Fenway Park only if it comes with a new J. Geils Band. Counteroffer a new Aerosmith at mb@strikethree.com.