Baseballhead:
That's Rich

Michael Cox

Word to your mother, Baseballheadites! Welcome to another meeting at the clubhouse, where it's always the '80s. So get rid of those plumber's pants and that puffy parka and slip on these acid-washed jeans and pastel blazer.

Bud Selig's gang announced their free agency to the world on Monday when they made a "sure, it's a bona-fide offer" demand that Fox and NBC triple their current fees to keep baseball. Not only did the execs reject the MLB "offer," but after the laughing died down they probably began planning the "Survivor" rip-offs that would take baseball's place. Hey, I hear there are some Japanese ritual-humiliation game shows that haven't been Americanized yet.

Of course, with actual smart people in Selig's employ, it's likely that there was no notion that the demand would be met. It was made to fill a contractual requirement that both networks be allowed first refusal. Unfortunately, it's likely that more refusals will soon follow.

You see, Selig has his eyes on the prize of the NFL's $17.6 billion deal with three nets over the next eight years. That $2.2 billion per year is, with little exaggeration, approximately $2 billion per year more than MLB got in 1999. However, the NFL deal, as with the NBA's at $660M per and even the National Hockey League's at $225M, were all made in a time of great duress for the networks.

CBS, who lost most of their sports programming amidst heavy bidding several years back, took no prisoners in regain NFL games in 1998, then took a similar strategic view towards the NCAA's semi-pro hoops with an almost $2 billion per year pact. Add to that their golf programming (yes, five years ago we would have laughed at that), and the Big Creepy Eye became the top network once again (until Regis came along, of course).

Sports have generally become a loss-leader for the networks, with the major goal of plugging this week's episode of "Friends" and keeping you tuned in for a very special episode of "Family Guy," coming up next. But even with that demeanor, as ratings fall the Big Four are trying what they can to prop them up again.

NBC and CBS have agreed to carry the XFL, the brainchild of the World Wrestling Federation's Vince McMahon. (This has caused ex-NBCer Keith Olbermann great consternation, which beings us glee.) Then last week, ABC tried to take a metaphorical steel chair to wrestling by hiring Dennis Miller to provide actual entertaining commentary during "Monday Night Football."

Although causing many unintelligible grunts of concern from hardcore football fans, I have to say that I'll tune in, at least to see how Miller's doing. Heck, get rid of the rest of the booth crew, replace 'em with Dana Carvey and Mike Myers, and I'll watch MNF every week.

Where were we... oh yes, baseball. To be frank, I think the gold rush is over. Also, baseball has the additional problem of often being excruciating to watch on the tube (although Tim McCarver has a lot to do with that). Football is made for TV, to the point where I don't understand why people would want to pay to see it live -- they should be giving away tickets like Jay Leno and "Everybody Loves Raymond."

On the other hand, only when a baseball game is truly important are fans glued to the tube, while attending in the flesh is a much more satisfying experience. Usually, even a TV game is little but background buzz while "viewers" are creating colored-corn-kernel mosaics or downloading porn.

Still, I fully expect MLB to better their current deal. Fox currently features about ten hours of national game-related programming per week (including "This Week in Baseball," which I'll give them props for continuing, even if I haven't yet looked to see if it includes a "Jose Canseco's Wildest Police Chases" segment). That's a lot to give up.

NBC carries only the playoffs, World Series (alternating with Fox), and All-Star Game (ditto), which is for them likely a much more desirable deal than having to suffer the ratings black hole of weekly games as a tradeoff. I'm sure they'd accept an inflation-rate increase.

However, the only way I see MLB increasing its TV revenues is if another network suddenly becomes rabid for baseball. Unfortunately, I sense mild interest from all, but not if it breaks the bank. In the end, they'll be lucky to get what the NBA is getting (except baseball won't force anyone to also broadcast the WNBA).

But crack the $1 billion per year mark? Fat chance. At least, not until they hire a good-announcer, evil-announcer and trained-monkey broadcast team.

The worst-case scenario, however, is pretty bleak: "Stay tuned for a very special episode of 'Moesha,' coming up next."

about the author

Rumor has it, a reader recently called Michael Cox "the man." Those of you who had doubts about his gender should email mc@strikethree.com ASAP to apologize.