The Dating Game

Jason Michael Barker

As most of the country embraces spring -- it's been lovely in Seattle lately, thanks for asking -- it is time once again to bring together two of man's greatest inventions: baseball and love. Not love of baseball, mind you; there's plenty of time for that year-round.

Rather, it's time to think about taking that big step of bringing a date to a baseball game. Tread carefully. Unless you know she's a fan, three hours of watching grown men scratch themselves (I'm talking about the players, not you) at the ballpark probably doesn't make for an ideal first date.

Before I get any further, let me preface all of this by saying that I know there a countless female baseball fans out there, including my mom, my girlfriend, the female readers who have taken the time to e-mail me, and all those women you see at the at the ballpark.

This article is more for the guy who wants to take a female non-fan to a game, and do so in such a way that she wouldn't be averse to accompanying him again. Of course, there's no reason the majority of this information can't be used in the other direction, by those die-hard women fans trying to drag a non-fan date to nine innings of live baseball goodness.

The Lure
When trying to entice a non-fan to attend a baseball game with you, do not mention that you're really excited to see Greg Maddux or Pedro Martinez pitch -- these names probably mean little to whomever you're inviting. However, if you can throw in the likes of Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, Mark McGwire or Sammy Sosa it could win you a few points. Ditto if you can boast that the two of you will be watching the best team in baseball, or last year's World Series winner.

Final thought: If applicable, mention that the event will take place outside in the fresh air, under the pleasant springtime sun or lovely evening moon. No, not that moon.

Tickets
Here's one area where you probably shouldn't skimp, provided you've got some options -- if your date is going to understand and/or enjoy the game, she'll be much more likely to do so in good seats. Try to sit close to the action, and at the very least, have a good view of the field.

Final thought: If your seats are predetermined, don't oversell how good they are. Better that your date be pleasantly surprised by decent seats than unprepared to sit in the next-to-last row of the 500 level, with a small child kicking the back of her seat from the back row.

Parking
As a matter of principle, I refuse to pay for parking. Consequently, I often wind up parking up to a 15- or 20-minute walk away from the stadium, which to me is infinitely preferable to shelling out $15 to park a block away. If your date is already apprehensive about attending the game, however, a mile walk might be just enough to push her over the "baseball is evil" edge.

Now would be a good time to remember the "secret" parking your uncle told you about when you were nine (every park has some)... You know, that back alley two blocks behind the stadium where you probably shouldn't park, but where they never bother to ticket people who do, or the questionable "load zone" that's only a load zone until six p.m. on weekdays beginning with "T."

Do remember, though, that you won't look like the man if there's a ticket on your car upon your return. Of course you'll look even worse if your car isn't there at all after the game, so don't say I didn't warn you.

Final thought: Don't neglect public transportation if it's a viable (or even better) option in your city. Renting a limo is probably a bit much. Transportation by helicopter or private jet is over the top.

Food
Much like parking at the game, for the most part I avoid buying food inside the stadium. This is as much due to price as it is quality. Unlike parking at the game, however, I am willing to pay if the product is right, and for the most part that means outside the stadium itself For example, there's a stand outside Safeco Field here in Seattle that serves a mean Cajun chicken sausage (I suggest grilled onions, sauerkraut, and sweet-hot mustard). It's $4.50, but well worth it.

If you can't stop by a quality eating establishment (I'm talking a real restaurant here, not the Golden Arches like you penny-pinchers were thinking) before the game, a suitable alternative is to wow your date with your knowledge of the local vendors selling their wares outside the stadium.

Final thought: Be prepared to buy your date a frozen yogurt (chocolate, no sprinkles) in the seventh inning if the situation calls for it.

The Game
The game itself is an interesting proposition. Does your date know that you're a screaming lunatic at baseball games, yelling at the manager when he makes a bad move and berating umpires on every questionable strike call? If it's early in the relationship and your date doesn't know, consider whether this is the best time for him or her to find out. This one's up to you.

Final Thought: Explain the game as necessary (when asked plus a bit more), but don't overdo it. Nobody likes a know-it-all.

So there you have it, a quick-and-dirty guide to dating at the ballpark. While we're on the subject, I'd love to hear your stories, successful or otherwise, of ballpark dates. I'll run the best ones in an upcoming article. Come to think of it, the "otherwise" stories are probably more interesting...

about the author

The last time Jason Michael Barker took a date to a baseball game, she left in the seventh inning after dumping her nachos on him. Suggest it was Norm Charlton's pitching and not Jason's incessant "Heeeeeey batter-batter!" taunt that drove her away at jmb@strikethree.com.