You know, I'd really, really like to base a column on something other than John Rocker someday. Unfortunately, the fact is that aside from Rocker and scattered Griffey talk, this winter has been a baseball dead zone unprecedented in recent memory.

I blame Bud Selig and Don Fehr.

Between these two chowderheads, there could be at least one big event, one cause for getting the game's biggest stars together in some sunny Southern clime, where the veterans could hype the coming season and the young shortstops could oil themselves down for the ladies.

But no, we get the sound of crickets chirping and wind blowing yellowed newspapers about so that we can allow these guys "time to be with their families." Heck, I don't know many professions where you get to be with your family almost every day for six months out of the year -- especially at that rate of pay, which is normally reserved for lead programmers who are then expected to sleep under their desks most nights.

Instead they have created an echo chamber of huge vastness, and when Rocker spoke into it, we had no choice but to listen.

But be that as it may (what the hell does that mean anyway?), people are still going off half-cocked all over in to make whatever points they want to make, some of which have little to do with Rocker himself.

Take New York Times #1 Bestselling Author Mitch Albom, whose day job is scribbling sports columns for the Detroit Free Press. In recently defending Rocker as more a walking brain cramp speaking what is normally suppressed by conscious thought than a true, heartfelt racist (and mostly rightly so), he suddenly veers off into a swipe at Rocker's employer, Ted Turner:

Did you know Turner owns the WCW operation?...Turner's company even hired a tag team of "homosexual" wrestlers, who were supposed to behave in typically demeaning homosexual ways, so that the audience -- including children -- could yell filthy insults at them.

...Where is the punishment for Turner?

Where's his couch?

Now I'm not here to defend pro wrestling in general, which Albom clearly detests. Suffice it to say that more than one of us here at Strikethree.com think MLB could learn a thing or two about "sports entertainment" from their wrasslin' brethren.

Neither will we get into whether Albom actually said that homosexuals' "typical" behavior is demeaning. However, keep in mind that Albom strings words together well enough that Tuesdays with Morrie has been on the Times list for 117 weeks and counting. it shouldn't be expecting too much that unlike a Rocker, he should have the requisite skills to say what he means in a very succinct manner, right?What I will do is reveal that WCW (for the uninitiated, it stands for World Championship Wrestling) just happens to employ at least one openly gay writer: Bob Mould -- yes, the Bob Mould from Hüsker Dü and Sugar.

Although I don't know whether Mould approved of, was offended by, or perhaps was even behind the gay "angle," (ironically, Mould left the company at around the same time as the characters), the point is that neither does Albom. And the mere existence of Mould on the creative team indicates that WCW, if not the wrestling world, is a little more open-minded than Albom wants to give them credit for. Of course, he wouldn't have known that by the fact that Hank Aaron, formerly Rocker's greatest critic, now admits he overreacted, or that Turner hasn't punished Rocker at all.

As for the "reasons" Albom gave for the wrestlers' existence, it sounds like he's just making things up to prove his point, just as a lot of folks made up a murderous Klanster personality to justify sentencing Rocker to be eaten by enraged ferrets.

Perhaps Albom's a little miffed by all those wrestling books getting in Tuesdays with Morrie's way on the best-seller list?Item: And out from the woodwork came Braves 1B Randall Simon, who claims that he is the "fat monkey" of whom Rocker speaks. And he's mad as hell, apparently.

He also says Rocker never used the term to his face, as Rocker told Peter Gammons he did to the actual, er, big guy, and that Rocker "has no relationships with the black guys or the Latin guys on the team."Of course, Simon just guessed that Rocker's remark was directed at him, because SI's Jeff Pearlman said the recipient was black and Rocker said he was actually Latin. Simon decided it must have been a black Latin teammate, instead of the option where Pearlman was wrong.

And Simon decided to altogether ignore a critical fact: at a listed height of 6'0" and weight of 180 lbs., he's in fact closer to "thin" than "fat." Unfortunately, I have to admit that I've never actually seen Simon in person, and he may in fact have a completely muscle-free body, or his listed weight may be a joke he's playing on the media. Could be (David Wells is listed at 225 lbs. Ha, ha), but probably not.

Simon also has an axe to grind, after Rocker snapped at him publicly for a game-losing misplay late last season. So my guess (and it is most definitely a guess) is that Simon isn't the guy.

So who is Rocker talking about? I looked at the roster for overweight Latin players, and while none appear Wells-esque from their numbers, a couple stand out. Pitcher Rudy Seanez is listed at 5'11"/205. David Cortes at 5'11"/195.

But wait -- Andres Galarraga, at 6'3"/235 (prior to his successful battle with cancer)?All I can say is that if it is the Big Cat that Rocker's referring to, it had better have been accepted in fun...

about the author

Michael Cox may not be gay, but if he was on a team with Chad Curtis, he'd pretend as a prank. Promise not to "out" him as straight at mc@strikethree.com.